I have to share a little story with you which I am hoping by posting this story I will get some peace about tomorrow. You know how you wish you God would sometimes just smack you right on the head to tell you exactly which way to go? The question that I am sure many of you ask, "what is God's will?" is simple to ask but the answers don't always seem to be simple to find. Well, last week I went to my regular Oncologist to get a check before the surgery. I had noticed a few days before that the pain in my hip and leg was much better. In fact there was a few times that I could take two steps at a time and sit like an Indian with no pain. So of course I insist that my doc give me another scan or x-ray just to make sure that the bones had not improved before I go through this surgery. As much as I love Dr. Friedland I have to say sometimes I have to give a little kick in the butt. After much convincing from me he did a quick x-ray. Later he come into the room were I waited and showed me that it actually has gotten worse. So I left a little heartbroken, stop in the bathroom to shed a few tears, and went home.
However, that evening I still felt uneasy about the whole surgery. At times I can be so stubborn when I think I am right. I could not sleep and kept thinking of way to to get out of this surgery. I then closed my eyes and just prayed. I prayed with such passion that God show me a sign, a sign I would noticed, that I am make the right decision about this surgery. I finally fell asleep only to wake up a few hours latter to horrific pain in my leg in hip. The pain was beyond anything I had every had. It was breathing taking. I screamed and Mark jumped out of bed next to me to try to help. Nothing he did and nothing I took helped. For the first time in my life I got God's sign as clear as I needed.
I am not sure why I was doubting this surgery. I hate to think it was fear. Whatever, it is I surely should of seen what He was telling me all along. The othro oncologist is amazing. Several of my friends have heard of him and rave about him. He even saved the leg of my good friend's daughter when she was suffering from a rare cancer. Once again the out pour of help with the kids I am offered is amazing. My family all pitch in to arrange schedule of when they will be staying with me. The Christmas shopping is done, the house is clean and the decorations are beautiful. Mark is at complete peace. And the pain is still there. The phone calls from friends and family today has been super uplifting. Not to mention my full email box of prays and the facebook wishes are bringing tears to my eyes. Everything has been going so smoothly.
So there is no reason for me to have anxiety or fear. Fear of the unknown or what is come is a waste of time. I know that God has me at his side. Please pray for me in the next couple of weeks.