For the past few weeks I have been reminded that I have a serious life threatening cancer. It sucks. I have been trying to spend the time that I am up and able to get around with the boys. It's hard to keep a normal family life when the glue to the family is fighting cancer. So I realize that as hard as it is at times I must always put them first even before my own recovery. So on days when I feel like I cannot lift my head off the pillow, I get up. On days when the pain is so bad that I bite in a wash cloth so they don't hear me scream, I force myself to put a smile on my face and go to their activities. I do homework with them, watch them play their sports, listen to them play their music and make everything that is important to them become important to me. Through doing that I have realized I probably would not fight this fight so hard if they were not part of my life. They inspire me to get up when I feel like I cannot.
With all that said I have decided to be inspired also by all the concerned emails, phone calls and letters I have gotten and post a week of inspirational quotes that have come with them. I did this a while back and it really picked me up and actually got me feeling better. The first one is as follows:
This was found in a fortune cookie by my friend Karen. She emailed it to me the other day and said when she read it she thought of me. I am hoping because I am not bitter and she sees it is the way I try to get through my cancer journey.
My cancer has taken a tool on me physically to say the least. There are so many things in my life that I have taken for granted. The simple task of walking up stairs use to be no brainer, in fact I use to run bleachers as a form of exercise. Now I get to the bottom, take a deep breath and struggle up. Even sleeping at times is a painful act. But what this cancer has taught me is far more valuable then any physical disability it has given me.
I have become more compassionate, more courageous, more patient, more loving, more humble and kinder because of this cancer. I have learned that people are amazing and I could not survive without their support. I have found a strength in me that I never imagined I had deep inside. Without even knowing it I have taught my children what it means to never give up and if you work hard enough you can achieve whatever you want.....even life. I have taught Mark that love is more powerful then any evil that you may come across. And that nothing you love is worth losing because it to hard to keep.
The changes in my life have been incredible since cancer has struck me. I have no time to be "Bitter". I am enjoying being "Better".
"The difficulties of life are intended to make us better not bitter".