Its hard to believe that spring is here (and the weather outside certainly reaffirms that feeling)and that we are coming up on a year since we learned that cancer had returned with a vengance in Sunny. After we all witnessed on the television this weekend in Stanton Heights life can be extremely fragile. Unlike money which you can budget, food which you can ration, clothes and material goods which can be passed down, go on clearance, or just replaced, our time here comes with no knowledge of a best used by date and the only manufacturer that has a true warranty also has complete control of each one of our "lifetime guarranty"...we just don't know how if its a twelve month, five year, ten year, etc..limit let alone tomorrow.
What living with cancer does do is make you reconsider what you are really saying when you tell your wife or your kids that "we will do that tomorrow" or "I'm busy, ask me later" or "not now, I am too tired." Sunny has continued to fight this disease with the tenacity of a cornered pitbull who has only one way out, and in this case the door is blocked by tumors. She has had another rough couple of days, pain comes and goes, ranging from aches, to dizziness, to intense sharp jabbing discomfort, and has not slept good for about a week. Yet, if you ask her, she will tell you that she is doing better this go around since returning from Basel and to quit making a fuss. She would rather talk about how many points she has left(yes she is insisting on losing a few pounds as if she didn't have enough on her plate) on her new diet chart, she would rather talk about how excited she is to be coming up on the start of a busy photo season or to let me know that I really need to take my time when I help out by folding the laundry(apparently just being a lefty doesn't cut it as an excuse for miscreasing clothes).
Time around the Carney house seems to be measured not by calendars, but by the sports activities our boys happen to be playing. Outdoor soccer practice, mud, gnats, and all for Logan, baseball practices and scrimmages for Austen and Nolan. We had the official close to the basketball season Sunday night with Ace's team party and Sunny not only went, she suffered through the heat of the indoor pool area(if I had planned ahead I would have worn a plastic suit and lost 10-12 pounds pretty quickly myself), and watched as the kids opened their end of the year gifts which included her individual framed action photos for each...unbelievable to me that she still stresses about making sure each 6th grader on the team had the perfect photo that reflected their true personalities. I told her we weren't awarding Pulitzers or Peabody awards for sports photojournalism, but those of you that know her can imagine the fretting that went on as she wrapped each one the night before(again I was barred from helping because apparently being a man does qualify as an excuse to be dismissed from wrapping detail). Thanks to Steve Fuhrer for organizing the event and thanks to all of the kids for all of their hard this year on the court and to all of the parents who drove to what seemed like a hundred road games without the benefit of even one home game.
Watching the NCAA championship with Austen last night, I realized that some Americans think that we may over-emphasize the importance of sports and athletes in our culture. I have two comments relating to that. One, I can tell you that after returning from Basel in mid-January, having the ability to escape cancer for a few hours every week during the Steelers Super Bowl run meant alot to the Carney family. Black and gold days at Pivik, planning the back porch tailgates, and the victory parade enabled us to put aside scans, blood counts, pills, bills, and just be a "normal yunzer" family for a little bit. Getting back the second time, we have had first the run to the Elite 8 by my Panthers and now the Penquins playoff chase.(I would mention the Pirates by this is supposed to be the uplifting part of this blog) Again, for a few hours we can just be fans (although I don't scream and shout as much at the refs because I do realize now its just a game and not actually "do or die") and we can share in the experience of just that---being fans. Not a family fighting cancer...not a wonderful woman who can't sit or stand without grimacing, not a husband who gets frustrated at himself for not being able to do more for his wife, not three scared boys that have to figure out what to feel or to know what to ask or say about their mother.
The second relevation regarding sports is the joy that I know Sunny gets when she is able to go to an indoor soccer game and see Logan score, when she can go to a basketball game and watch Austen as the point guard, lead his teammates to a first place trophy, or go to a baseball game and watch Nolan who works his butt off, get a hit, steal a base, and score a run. But even if they struck out, didn't score, or missed all of their shots, she would still go, still cheer, still feel bad for them...and thats what a mom is supposed to feel. A mom is supposed to jump for joy and aggravate the parent sitting next to her in the process when her little man does something well on the field or court, and a mom is supposed to just want to go out and hug her big guy when he has that bad game and you can just see it in his face. Thats what a mom is supposed to do. Just be there. And for Sunny, the ability to be there, rooting, encouraging, and hugging when needed, is something she knows and she does real well. Because before there was cancer...there was and is one hell of a mom. My kids are blessed because their mom is always in their corner. I have asked her at times this past season, why don't you just skip this one...you look tired...or its too much pain and too long of a ride. She tells me that she is going to go because she doesn't know if she will be able to next season...but I think deep down she goes because she has put the "can" back in "cancer"....as in I can be a mother...I can fight and beat this...I can be there for my boys...I can cheer for them and I can hug them. And those of you that know her well certainly understand when I say she has always has been a "can do" person...cancer hasn't taken that from her and I would be surprised if it ever could.
I know this has been a rather long entry but it was certainly worth my time to write it. I am now going to hang out with my boys, watch some hockey, hug Sunny , and maybe walk the fat dog. Maybe Sunny will want to walk with me. In any case, please focus on how you choose to invest your time, because life isn't a DVD...there is no rewind...no instant replay...and if you always live like next week or next time is a certainty you may find yourself having regrets at mixed opportunities. Opportunities to share your most precious commodity, time, with those that you love and care about. I know the light bulb has come on for me, and my biggest regret is that it took cancer to make me realize that.
Continue to keep Sunny in your prayers as you are all in ours and we look forward to seeing you at Larry Mills , or the baseball fields, or just seeing you around.
Mark
SUNNY CARNEY After a courageous 10 year fight battling Carcinoid Cancer, Sunny Carney, of Plum, passed peacefully on Saturday, November 3. She was married to her devoted husband, Mark; and was a loving mother to Austen, Logan and Nolan; daughter of Patricia Jennings and the late James J. Jennings; daughter-in-law of Dale and Dottie Carney; sister of Judy Phillips (Ray Jr.), Lynn Pesta (Teddy), Michael Jennings (Vicki Lynn), James Jennings (Sue), Joseph Jennings (Elizabeth), Sheila Fortes (Jim); sister-in-law of Craig Carney (Julia). She is also survived by numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, and was a true friend and inspiration to many.
In addition to being an inspiration to family and friends Sunny inspired carcinoid cancer patients across the globe through her blog, and then her book "The Sunny Side of Cancer. She spoke at numerous cancer events locally sharing stories of her journey which led her from Basel, Switzerland to all of the top Carcinoid Cancer specialists here in the states. She was an advocate for better diagnosis of the disease and for insurance coverage of treatments. She fought with grace and dignity, never letting the pain inside challenge her faith or diminish her love for life.
Memorials may be made to "Carney Family Fund", c/o S&T Bank, 2190 Hulton Road, Verona, PA 15147.
Friends received Monday 7-9 p.m. and Tuesday 3-8 p.m. at Unity Community Church, 215 Unity Center Road, Plum, PA 15239.
Funeral Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 a.m. in Unity Community Church with Rev. Frank Deluce officiating. Arrangements entrusted to CHARLES W. TRENZ FUNERAL HOME, INC.
VIEW GUEST BOOK Published in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
