We have arrived and I must say the trip was not so bad. We had three flights and none where full which made for a very roomy way. Our first flight was Pittsburgh to Newark, we were on a small commuter plane which are always difficult for me to fly in. Having one lung causes breathing pain when flying and for some reason smaller planes seem worse. But it was quick and I did use the pain meds which took the edge off. At Newark we flew to Dusseldrof, Germany. I kept joking with Mark that maybe we should stay there and see if some Harry Potter wizards or even muggles had any potions that would help me. Of course I had to have my run in or two with a few pushy Euros. I have to ask why do they think pushing through customs is going to make them get on their plane any faster? Each one of them had there bags searched and of course I walked by and gave them an American, "ha ha" with unsearched bags in hand. I want to stay nice but I have my own ideas on why their bags get searched. I don't understand why they are so rude and feel the need to "space invade"? Honestly they are right on top of me and Mark as we tried to take off our shoes and open our bags. "Back off and give me room to breathe please" I had to yell at one. Only to find he was one row ahead of me on the plane in Germany. I whispered for the whole long flight hoping he did not recognize me and my temper.
Of course that flight from Newark to Germany was much tougher this year then the trips before. My bone mets have spread and the old ones have grown. There where a few hours that I just closed my eyes and prayed, Eventually, I would pull myself together and get through it. We got to our hotel at about 9:00 am Basel time and both Mark and I where completely whooped. Just dead dog tired and I was crying in some pain. However, I completely forgot to ask what time was check-in when I booked the room. The lady behind the desk was so sweet, she said we would not be able to check in until two in the afternoon. At that time I felt the anxiety for the first time since we left home. How would I make it that long? I was vomiting, the pain is was so bad I am unable to even open my mouth. Not to mention I needed toothpicks to hole my eyes open. Then Mark begged her to get a room clean fast. For the tenth time that day he began to tell my whole story. I hate when he starts doing that in public but Mark talks about it with such pride. And people listen in such wonder. I get uncomfortable because I know its not me that gets me through this.....its the "Man Upstairs". Of course I get that pathetic look of feeling sorry for me which really make me squirm. After Mark pulling on some heart strings the front desk clerk promised us the first room clean. We were up in a room with in an hour and half.
Our friend Peter is coming to visit us from Amsterdam tonight and we are heading out to meet him for a bite to eat. Which I am sure is going to mean me eating then getting exhausted and leaving Peter and Mark to have a good time on their own. Somehow I think they don't mind that. I had already checked in at home and everyone is doing great. Shoveling out from a storm back in the burgh but nobody misses us yet. Wish that was the case for me. As soon as the taxi left the airport and started driving the streets of Basel to our hotel the memory of our last stays became so vivid. The gloom of sky, the garfette on the buildings and the bikers steering in and out of the way of our cab. Similar to the city of Pittsburgh just older but this is not home. This is where I spent weeks sick without my family. Mark reached over in the cab and grab my hand and said, "you made it Sun." . That is when I started seeing the surroundings differently. The doom and gloom memories became feelings of hope and accomplishment. The swiss grafitti that I could not read became art.
I know that the only way we got here is through prayer. I can not imagine getting as far as I have with my battle without God. He has put people in my life that have rallied behind me to make this possible. He has given us opportunities that only he could create. He was given me strength at times when I did not think I could give anymore. Just in our 16 hour journey today, or yesterday wherever you are reading this, He was pulled me through. The past two weeks of preparing for this journey I have strengthen my faith as well. I am really giving this whole journey to Him and letting Him drive the car. He has gotten us through so many obstacles to get here. There is no way it is not going to be successful.
Please keep praying for us. Mostly please pray for my family at home. Thank you all whole are taking care of them. From bringing dinners, to rides, to being on call when needed. Mark and I know we could not get through this without that help. We will be posted daily so please keep checking back.
Until later,
Sunny
SUNNY CARNEY After a courageous 10 year fight battling Carcinoid Cancer, Sunny Carney, of Plum, passed peacefully on Saturday, November 3. She was married to her devoted husband, Mark; and was a loving mother to Austen, Logan and Nolan; daughter of Patricia Jennings and the late James J. Jennings; daughter-in-law of Dale and Dottie Carney; sister of Judy Phillips (Ray Jr.), Lynn Pesta (Teddy), Michael Jennings (Vicki Lynn), James Jennings (Sue), Joseph Jennings (Elizabeth), Sheila Fortes (Jim); sister-in-law of Craig Carney (Julia). She is also survived by numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, and was a true friend and inspiration to many.
In addition to being an inspiration to family and friends Sunny inspired carcinoid cancer patients across the globe through her blog, and then her book "The Sunny Side of Cancer. She spoke at numerous cancer events locally sharing stories of her journey which led her from Basel, Switzerland to all of the top Carcinoid Cancer specialists here in the states. She was an advocate for better diagnosis of the disease and for insurance coverage of treatments. She fought with grace and dignity, never letting the pain inside challenge her faith or diminish her love for life.
Memorials may be made to "Carney Family Fund", c/o S&T Bank, 2190 Hulton Road, Verona, PA 15147.
Friends received Monday 7-9 p.m. and Tuesday 3-8 p.m. at Unity Community Church, 215 Unity Center Road, Plum, PA 15239.
Funeral Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 a.m. in Unity Community Church with Rev. Frank Deluce officiating. Arrangements entrusted to CHARLES W. TRENZ FUNERAL HOME, INC.
VIEW GUEST BOOK Published in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Getting set, Ready and GO
Tomorrow is the beginning of our journey to Switzerland. As overwhelmed as I have been feeling this week I am totally ready to get on that plane and save my life. When I say overwhelmed I am not talking about the actually treatment. I am talking about organizing five peoples lives before I go. Honestly, the boys schedule and all the prep I had to do to make it easy on those watching them while I am gone is crazy. I guess going through the motions everyday and driving them here, going to a game there and getting them this and that for who knows what, seems easy, until you have to write it down and explain it to everyone else. Then of course their social life is a whole other story. So about an hour ago I finally got it all written down and explained.
On the treatment part I am ready. It's been a long road preparing for this. We have had obstacles that have got in the way but have not stopped us. I am really at peace with my decision and my faith is what I am completely leaning on at this moment. We have been on this adventure before and know that at times it is difficult but we are praying the benefits out weigh the stress and financial burden. The last two treatments in Switzerland may not of shrunk any of the tumors but did keep me stable for awhile. I have this strong feeling....call it my gut or my faith that this one is going to be the one that does wonders.
I want to thank everyone who helped us make this possible. I feel so amazingly blessed that I am going and have this opportunity. Also, I want to thank my entire family for staying with my boys and taking care of them. I can only hope that when we come home they ask us why we are here so soon. Please continue to pray for me. I know that your prays are the only thing that has gotten me through this whole battle. I have seen miracles happen when I ask for pray. I feel that this trip is that big miracle we have all been praying for. Please pray that long plane ride is as pain free as possible. Please pray that I am home as soon as possible.
Mark and I will be updated the blog daily. Please keep updated.
Much Love,
Sunny
On the treatment part I am ready. It's been a long road preparing for this. We have had obstacles that have got in the way but have not stopped us. I am really at peace with my decision and my faith is what I am completely leaning on at this moment. We have been on this adventure before and know that at times it is difficult but we are praying the benefits out weigh the stress and financial burden. The last two treatments in Switzerland may not of shrunk any of the tumors but did keep me stable for awhile. I have this strong feeling....call it my gut or my faith that this one is going to be the one that does wonders.
I want to thank everyone who helped us make this possible. I feel so amazingly blessed that I am going and have this opportunity. Also, I want to thank my entire family for staying with my boys and taking care of them. I can only hope that when we come home they ask us why we are here so soon. Please continue to pray for me. I know that your prays are the only thing that has gotten me through this whole battle. I have seen miracles happen when I ask for pray. I feel that this trip is that big miracle we have all been praying for. Please pray that long plane ride is as pain free as possible. Please pray that I am home as soon as possible.
Mark and I will be updated the blog daily. Please keep updated.
Much Love,
Sunny
Thursday, January 12, 2012
His Will
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"
I have to say recently the closer my trip to Basel, Switzerland comes the more anxiety I WAS feeling about the whole decision we made to attempt this treatment and trip again. I look back to the very first time I went to Basel to receive my first treatment there and compare myself to how I feel today. The fact that I am more advanced then I was and much weaker really took the best of my nerves. Making that long voyage across the ponds was a fright all in itself. Just driving in a car longer then an hour is extremely painful for me. Then receiving the PRRT radiation therapy that the Swiss doctors are hesitant in giving me because of my state added to the scare. Lastly, after making it through the treatment then traveling back home SICK and in even more PAIN then how I left just completely took over my anxieties. I have to add the expense of the whole trip and what taking that money away from my family's everyday living will do to them just put me over the edge for awhile.
Like I always do I fake my fear very well. I knew that if I let everyone who loves me see my fear I would have to listen to the very same things I say to everyone else. So I put my game face on for a few weeks and tried muscled my way through the fears and anxiety. However, they never went away. In fact they kept getting worse. Every little obstacle that got in the way seemed like huge mountains. First it was the hotel Mark and I like to stay at and has accommodated me so well, was completely booked. Then the exchanged rate changed making my treatment much more expensive. Austen was getting the okay to go back to sports after nine months of being off from surgery and his very first game was the exact day we were leaving. We would miss Nolan's birthday. We then got this huge medical bill for a treatment that I already had and insurance decided that they were not going to cover it. So of course after paying that bill (believe me I fought the fight before anyone emails me with suggestions) we were left short for the treatment cost. Also, let me add that the loan we had been pre-approved for a few months ago we were turned down for when we went to pick up the check. So we were even more short the finances. I knew and had been told by my oncologist that this treatment is my only option. There is nothing left. So the feeling of defeat set in.
After feeling so hopeless and having no ideas of how I was going to swing this trip I FINALLY turned to my faith. Why did it take that long??? I got down on my knees and with tear streaming down my face I GAVE IT TO HIM. I asked God what all these obstacles meant. Was He showing me that this treatment was the wrong choice? Was he telling me to quit trying all these experimental things and enjoy my time here? I begged Him to show me His Will for me. Guide me to where I am suppose to be. For the heck of it I wrote to Bidget, the contact person at the Universitätsspital Basel. Earlier when we schedule the date she told me that January 5th was my only option until March. I knew that I could not wait until March. Daily I see my condition worsening. Anyways I asked her if she had any cancellations for a week or two later. She said that just the day before a patient for Jan. 23rd cancelled. Time is what I needed to pull all the obstacles together. That is when my prays to God was answered. I knew then that I had to take the chance of this treatment because it is His Will and He will be with me. It was like a wave knocked me over.
I am ashamed that my strong faith flickered a little. Of course the circumstances have not changed. We are still scraping our money together. Austen had a set back his second day back to basketball, got knocked in the jaw and is out another week. The hotel price went from $295 a night to $695 a night but there was an opening. Of course we had to go elsewhere because the closet of a room we get for that price is by far not an option now. The boys schedules are nuts. Each one going different place at the same time and Plum is not the easy place to get around if you are not from the area. And of course that miracle of healing has not hit yet. I am still in pain and the flight is going to be tough. Although, since I gave it to God and let Him take control of the above I am at peace with it all. I have confidence we will make it, the treatment will be fine and we will be back before we know it. My hope is that when we walk through the red door of our home after this cancer adventure the boys look at us and say, "why are you home so soon?".
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"
Once you try it, drop me an email and let me know what happens.
Love to all,
Sunny
PS - look above on the right side at "in the Media" at the link for the Post today. A very lovely article was written.
I have to say recently the closer my trip to Basel, Switzerland comes the more anxiety I WAS feeling about the whole decision we made to attempt this treatment and trip again. I look back to the very first time I went to Basel to receive my first treatment there and compare myself to how I feel today. The fact that I am more advanced then I was and much weaker really took the best of my nerves. Making that long voyage across the ponds was a fright all in itself. Just driving in a car longer then an hour is extremely painful for me. Then receiving the PRRT radiation therapy that the Swiss doctors are hesitant in giving me because of my state added to the scare. Lastly, after making it through the treatment then traveling back home SICK and in even more PAIN then how I left just completely took over my anxieties. I have to add the expense of the whole trip and what taking that money away from my family's everyday living will do to them just put me over the edge for awhile.
Like I always do I fake my fear very well. I knew that if I let everyone who loves me see my fear I would have to listen to the very same things I say to everyone else. So I put my game face on for a few weeks and tried muscled my way through the fears and anxiety. However, they never went away. In fact they kept getting worse. Every little obstacle that got in the way seemed like huge mountains. First it was the hotel Mark and I like to stay at and has accommodated me so well, was completely booked. Then the exchanged rate changed making my treatment much more expensive. Austen was getting the okay to go back to sports after nine months of being off from surgery and his very first game was the exact day we were leaving. We would miss Nolan's birthday. We then got this huge medical bill for a treatment that I already had and insurance decided that they were not going to cover it. So of course after paying that bill (believe me I fought the fight before anyone emails me with suggestions) we were left short for the treatment cost. Also, let me add that the loan we had been pre-approved for a few months ago we were turned down for when we went to pick up the check. So we were even more short the finances. I knew and had been told by my oncologist that this treatment is my only option. There is nothing left. So the feeling of defeat set in.
After feeling so hopeless and having no ideas of how I was going to swing this trip I FINALLY turned to my faith. Why did it take that long??? I got down on my knees and with tear streaming down my face I GAVE IT TO HIM. I asked God what all these obstacles meant. Was He showing me that this treatment was the wrong choice? Was he telling me to quit trying all these experimental things and enjoy my time here? I begged Him to show me His Will for me. Guide me to where I am suppose to be. For the heck of it I wrote to Bidget, the contact person at the Universitätsspital Basel. Earlier when we schedule the date she told me that January 5th was my only option until March. I knew that I could not wait until March. Daily I see my condition worsening. Anyways I asked her if she had any cancellations for a week or two later. She said that just the day before a patient for Jan. 23rd cancelled. Time is what I needed to pull all the obstacles together. That is when my prays to God was answered. I knew then that I had to take the chance of this treatment because it is His Will and He will be with me. It was like a wave knocked me over.
I am ashamed that my strong faith flickered a little. Of course the circumstances have not changed. We are still scraping our money together. Austen had a set back his second day back to basketball, got knocked in the jaw and is out another week. The hotel price went from $295 a night to $695 a night but there was an opening. Of course we had to go elsewhere because the closet of a room we get for that price is by far not an option now. The boys schedules are nuts. Each one going different place at the same time and Plum is not the easy place to get around if you are not from the area. And of course that miracle of healing has not hit yet. I am still in pain and the flight is going to be tough. Although, since I gave it to God and let Him take control of the above I am at peace with it all. I have confidence we will make it, the treatment will be fine and we will be back before we know it. My hope is that when we walk through the red door of our home after this cancer adventure the boys look at us and say, "why are you home so soon?".
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"
Once you try it, drop me an email and let me know what happens.
Love to all,
Sunny
PS - look above on the right side at "in the Media" at the link for the Post today. A very lovely article was written.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012 is here and I am here. As I reminisce about the end of one year and celebrate the coming of a new year I cannot help but go back to the post I wrote a year ago (which I republished below. A year ago today I had just had my femur and hip replaced because the cancer had eaten through those bones. It was a tough recovery now looking back and many of you know that oops of the surgery, however I did awaken from the surgery with my leg. Even though it is not perfect and I have some issues the doctors where able to save it. Only three years prior I would of had it amputated. So truly one blessing despite the pain.
Since last year I have more growth and some progression. I had two chemoembolizations which helped keep the liver tumors stable. I think back to when I was first diagnosed three years ago and those wicked treatments where experimental. My bone mets are larger and several more have appeared. However, no other organs are invaded yet. So yes things are different but yes I am here. I have strong faith that the treatment on January 23rd in Basel, Switzerland will take care of those or at least keep it stable like the last two times.
My point is there is STILL HOPE. I have not got to the point where there is NO OPTIONS. Now I will tell you I have been told a few times this year that THERE IS NO MORE OPTIONS for me, but with my faith in the Man Above I have been given perseverance. That perseverance has kept me going on to not take no for an answer where treatments are concerned. Last year at this time I had full intent to head to Houston. I had all my information and records there. I had an apartment set up and even a date for the first treatment. At that time I really thought that was my next step. However, I did not let you all know this but I really was trying my hardest to get accepted back to the Swiss. I knew that I had three more opportunities for treatment there but they were not accepting me because of my progression and my condition. So Houston was the way I was turning. They were accepting anyone that would pay their price which is beyond my ability to count that high on a bad day of pain. In fact Mark and I joked that it was the same price of our first house and two cars put together. But my stubbornness was getting me there. I knew though that Switzerland was where I needed to because it worked the last time. It did not shrink the tumors but it kept me stable for almost 18 months. In that 18 months several other treatments became available.
With so much pray, SOOOOO MUCH, and so many convincing letters to the Swiss doctor from me and three of my oncologist I was reluctantly accepted. I have to tell you I have never thanked the Lord so much then on the day I received the email that finally said I was accepted. Next was getting the money for that trip. Which I have to say is much less then our own country was charging me. We had a few bumps in the road and set it back a few weeks but we are finally leaving on January 20th. So as you can see the faith that God would lead me to the right place and the perseverance that faith gave me is getting me there. I know that I am not cured yet, but I really feel so thankful that I have this opportunity to try.
At the end of my last years post I said, "This year I am still keeping my last years goal of FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE but I am adding a new ending.....I am FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE WITH A PURPOSE." Without being boastful, I think I have done that. I finally got my butt in gear and published my book on my battles. I try really hard to reach out to every email I receive, especially the cancer newbies. And I really hope I have set an example to others on how to live through your adversities with meaning. All of the mentioned is nothing of my doing though, its God working through me. Trust me if I did not have faith I would not be here today. GUARANTEE!!! I will admit, which I don't want to do, but I have been sicker. I also know that I have several more down days this year then last but I hope that means that my fight was better because I am still here. I know that when I sat at this computer last year in the back of my mind I thought there was a chance that I would not be sitting here today. After all I lost eleven of my carcinoid cancer posse this year, all diagnosed after me with less invasion. But for God's grace I am sitting here posting to you all. So I feel obligated to keep on keep with a purpose.
This year I am still keeping my last years goal of FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE and I am FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE WITH A PURPOSE but again I am adding my new ending......I am FIGHTING WITH FAITH AND EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS GOING THROUGH ANY ADVERSITY. And when I say quietly, "I don't think I can go anymore" which I will say, I am looking for all those that have been loving me through this Battle to tell me, "yes you can".
Happy New Year,
Sunny
below is last years New Year's Post.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2011
First before I get into my post I want to update all of you on how I am feeling. I have been overwhelmed with your emails and phone calls and assure you my lack of posting is only because my teenagers and the Holidays are keeping me busy and not because I have been too sick to post. As I stated in the last entry the surgery went very well. The recovery has been just as smooth. Its painful and very frustrating that I cannot be independent but I am way ahead of schedule for healing. I am walking with crutches and able to put weight on my hip and leg. Sleeping is complicated and I don't think since the surgery I have had more the 2 to 3 hours of sleep at a time. However, I have plenty of time to sleep later. I've been trying hard to tag along with Mark and the boys wherever they are going and even went to watch them Ice Skate at the outside Winter Classic Rink. After battle the crowds we ended up finishing the night at the PPG rink and then dinner with two other families. That was a little rough, only because I LOVE to skate and it killed me to watch. I got some great shots though. Mark brought the wheelchair but in all the confusion and crowds I just hobbled with the crutches. Its been great the last week here in Pittsburgh with all the excitement going on with the NHL Hockey Winter Classic being hosted in our great city. It's a good distraction for my sports crazed boys. I don't want the boys to miss out on that once in a lifetime opportunity so we are trying to make the best of my situation. I feel so blessed that I am well enough to hang with them most of the time and the rest of the time they don't want me with them. I know it's not perfect circumstances but I am determined to do whatever I can and not put limits on myself. Mark and the doc are not as happy with me pushing my limits. I don't think they can really understand until they are fighting this beast. So I listen to the lectures, especially from Mark, and just do what I can do.
Before I started to post I went back to the post that I wrote this time in 2009. Reading it reminded me how far I have come with this cancer in just one year. As I am going through this journey on a day to day basis it seems so consuming. With each appointment, treatment, surgery, new researching, scan and then the news it is hard to look at the big picture. That is why I am so glad that I started this blog. I am able to go back and reflect on the changes that have really happened. Last year at this time I did not know about the new experimental treatment that I am attempted at the end of January. The surgery seemed like a hopeless attempt to keep my leg. And truthfully I was not sure I would be here writing today.
That is why I must say that once again I feel so blessed. Over and over again I am told by those who love me, my friends and doctors that my unusual strength and fight is what is keeping me alive. I have had comments made to me that, "I keep getting back up every time I'm knocked down", or "I wont go down without a fight" and on and on. Just yesterday Logan and Nolan had a conversation with me about how tough I am. At my last appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Friedland, he came into the room as I was reading a Joyce Meyers book titled, "Never Give Up" and he took the book from my hands. He looked at it and said, "you don't need this, you'll never quit". I have to admit, I am quite humbled by all those comments and I want to start 2011 off by letting everyone know that I am NOT special. My choice to fight it not unusual and it is not something that I do on my own. I don't have some super strength or power. In fact there are so many other people fighting cancer that are tougher then I will ever be. But first and foremost what I do have that unfortunately others have not found is the Lord with me during every battle with this cancer. Every time I am at my lowest point and I think I cannot do one more treatment, one more surgery or one more appointment I truly pull my strength through God and pray. He gives me the ability to pull something out of somewhere and gets me or US (my family) through it. He gives me the peace I need and the knowledge continue on the journey.
So 2011 for me is going to be about making a difference like so many have made a difference in my life. Its going to be about reaching out to those who battle what I am battling but don't know where to get their strength from. When I say, "battle what I am battling", I don't mean just cancer, I mean adversity. I want to somehow express that if you give yourself and your problems to Him then He will give you the strength to fight it. I don't think God will always wipe your problems away because you have faith in Him. In fact if I look back since my diagnosis my struggles have tripled since then. However, I think he gives you the peace and the tools to climb the mountain. He puts you in situations and gives you people to help you through your troubles. This year I am still keeping my last years goal of FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE but I am adding a new ending.....I am FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE WITH A PURPOSE.
Happy New Year,
Sunny
Before I started to post I went back to the post that I wrote this time in 2009. Reading it reminded me how far I have come with this cancer in just one year. As I am going through this journey on a day to day basis it seems so consuming. With each appointment, treatment, surgery, new researching, scan and then the news it is hard to look at the big picture. That is why I am so glad that I started this blog. I am able to go back and reflect on the changes that have really happened. Last year at this time I did not know about the new experimental treatment that I am attempted at the end of January. The surgery seemed like a hopeless attempt to keep my leg. And truthfully I was not sure I would be here writing today.
That is why I must say that once again I feel so blessed. Over and over again I am told by those who love me, my friends and doctors that my unusual strength and fight is what is keeping me alive. I have had comments made to me that, "I keep getting back up every time I'm knocked down", or "I wont go down without a fight" and on and on. Just yesterday Logan and Nolan had a conversation with me about how tough I am. At my last appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Friedland, he came into the room as I was reading a Joyce Meyers book titled, "Never Give Up" and he took the book from my hands. He looked at it and said, "you don't need this, you'll never quit". I have to admit, I am quite humbled by all those comments and I want to start 2011 off by letting everyone know that I am NOT special. My choice to fight it not unusual and it is not something that I do on my own. I don't have some super strength or power. In fact there are so many other people fighting cancer that are tougher then I will ever be. But first and foremost what I do have that unfortunately others have not found is the Lord with me during every battle with this cancer. Every time I am at my lowest point and I think I cannot do one more treatment, one more surgery or one more appointment I truly pull my strength through God and pray. He gives me the ability to pull something out of somewhere and gets me or US (my family) through it. He gives me the peace I need and the knowledge continue on the journey.
So 2011 for me is going to be about making a difference like so many have made a difference in my life. Its going to be about reaching out to those who battle what I am battling but don't know where to get their strength from. When I say, "battle what I am battling", I don't mean just cancer, I mean adversity. I want to somehow express that if you give yourself and your problems to Him then He will give you the strength to fight it. I don't think God will always wipe your problems away because you have faith in Him. In fact if I look back since my diagnosis my struggles have tripled since then. However, I think he gives you the peace and the tools to climb the mountain. He puts you in situations and gives you people to help you through your troubles. This year I am still keeping my last years goal of FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE but I am adding a new ending.....I am FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE WITH A PURPOSE.
Happy New Year,
Sunny
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas Time
This week I have seen so many beautiful moments and I want to share them with you all. It's the Holiday Season so yes things seem a little sweeter and more majestic when they happen this time of year. I think we all want to believe that Christmas time comes with miracle, kindness and joy; but I have seen some astonishing things happen all year long its more heartwarming when it happens during the Christmas season. Like when it snows on Christmas, that snow fall is just a little more special then a regular winter snow. So as I was sitting in front of the computer collecting my thoughts it came to me that this was a week of so many breathtaking moments. So I think I will continue that breathtaking moment post I started and keep adding to almost two years ago. Breathtaking moments of Christmas week are as follows:
1. Wondering why I did not get my teens Christmas list. Then when I finally beg them to tell me what they would like for Christmas the admitted that the three of them agreed to not ask for anything so I could use the money to go to Switzerland. Do they think I would totally forget Christmas gifts for them???? Never!!! I enjoy giving them way more then they enjoy getting them. I love this time of year.
2. Have a good friend and wonderful Chiropractor donate a week of service to my fund so I can make it to Switzerland.
3. Receiving a card in the mail from Santa.
4. Dropping off 20 blankets to a nursing home and seeing the patients so happy to see me. Visiting with those patients and enjoying their amazing stories.
5. Being included in a cookie exchange and never having to bake one cookie. I was just thought of because and I have to say they were the best cookies ever.
6. Having a book signing in my old neighborhood of Greenfield and it being so packed that you could not move. Seeing half the people at the book signing from my Plum neighborhood. They drove all the way to support me.
7. Sitting in Christmas Eve service with another wonderful family and feeling the spirit of God coming to all of us.
8. Watching my men singing at service.
9. Watching my boys exchange the gifts the bought for each other. Seeing more excitement about them giving their brothers the gift they spent so much time picking out then receiving the gifts they got.
10. Spending Christmas Eve with just my four men and enjoy it. Church, a few gifts, eating, and movie. Watching my boys actually enjoy being with each other.
11. Open the three presents that my boys planned together and picked out for me. They bought me charms for my bracelet and each one was so well thought of.
12. Being told, "this was the best Christmas ever Mom". I told them they say that every year. They responded, "that means it gets better every year, mom". And I was feeling guilty.
13. Sitting in chemo three days before Christmas watching each patient wait for their blood count results. Seeing smiles on their faces when told that they are good enough to be around people. Seeing some with tears in their eyes for other reasons can be breathtaking too.
14. Having an elderly man come into the chemo center dressed like Santa handing out candy to all the patients. I was told by the nurse that he has been a volunteer for three years, ever since his wife passed from cancer. The smile on his face was so real but it was one of the smiles that many of us cancer fighters (when I say fighters I mean all those that love those fighting too) put on to hide the tears they are holding back. I have those smiles many times too.
15. Sharing a room with a lady that there for her LAST treatment. She was told last week that the new set of scans showed no evidence of cancer. She was cancer free for Christmas.
16. Receiving a beautiful note on Christmas day from my niece, telling me she admires me.
17. Spending the entire day with my entire family and EVERYONE home for the holidays. Seeing my mom so happy to have all her children and grandchildren together.
18. Spending last evening with my boys at the Globe Trotter game. We had so much fun together and I made it through the entire night without crying in pain. I paid for it all evening but it was so worth the "no sleep night of pain".
19. Receiving a very very special Christmas present. You know who you are???? Breathtaking!
20. Sitting in the dark living room with just the Christmas tree lit and jammed packed with ornaments. Looking at each and every ornament and remember each meaning that goes with the ornament. First yr of marriage, baby's 1st Christmas, new home, Disney vacation ornaments, Basketballs, footballs, baseball, soccer and hockey ones, angels with the words hope, believe and faith, many homemade photo ones, and so many more.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away"
Sunny
P.S.
Please Tune in on December 29, at 9am to you TVs. I will be on live "The Pittsburgh Today Show".
1. Wondering why I did not get my teens Christmas list. Then when I finally beg them to tell me what they would like for Christmas the admitted that the three of them agreed to not ask for anything so I could use the money to go to Switzerland. Do they think I would totally forget Christmas gifts for them???? Never!!! I enjoy giving them way more then they enjoy getting them. I love this time of year.
2. Have a good friend and wonderful Chiropractor donate a week of service to my fund so I can make it to Switzerland.
3. Receiving a card in the mail from Santa.
4. Dropping off 20 blankets to a nursing home and seeing the patients so happy to see me. Visiting with those patients and enjoying their amazing stories.
5. Being included in a cookie exchange and never having to bake one cookie. I was just thought of because and I have to say they were the best cookies ever.
6. Having a book signing in my old neighborhood of Greenfield and it being so packed that you could not move. Seeing half the people at the book signing from my Plum neighborhood. They drove all the way to support me.
7. Sitting in Christmas Eve service with another wonderful family and feeling the spirit of God coming to all of us.
8. Watching my men singing at service.
9. Watching my boys exchange the gifts the bought for each other. Seeing more excitement about them giving their brothers the gift they spent so much time picking out then receiving the gifts they got.
10. Spending Christmas Eve with just my four men and enjoy it. Church, a few gifts, eating, and movie. Watching my boys actually enjoy being with each other.
11. Open the three presents that my boys planned together and picked out for me. They bought me charms for my bracelet and each one was so well thought of.
12. Being told, "this was the best Christmas ever Mom". I told them they say that every year. They responded, "that means it gets better every year, mom". And I was feeling guilty.
13. Sitting in chemo three days before Christmas watching each patient wait for their blood count results. Seeing smiles on their faces when told that they are good enough to be around people. Seeing some with tears in their eyes for other reasons can be breathtaking too.
14. Having an elderly man come into the chemo center dressed like Santa handing out candy to all the patients. I was told by the nurse that he has been a volunteer for three years, ever since his wife passed from cancer. The smile on his face was so real but it was one of the smiles that many of us cancer fighters (when I say fighters I mean all those that love those fighting too) put on to hide the tears they are holding back. I have those smiles many times too.
15. Sharing a room with a lady that there for her LAST treatment. She was told last week that the new set of scans showed no evidence of cancer. She was cancer free for Christmas.
16. Receiving a beautiful note on Christmas day from my niece, telling me she admires me.
17. Spending the entire day with my entire family and EVERYONE home for the holidays. Seeing my mom so happy to have all her children and grandchildren together.
18. Spending last evening with my boys at the Globe Trotter game. We had so much fun together and I made it through the entire night without crying in pain. I paid for it all evening but it was so worth the "no sleep night of pain".
19. Receiving a very very special Christmas present. You know who you are???? Breathtaking!
20. Sitting in the dark living room with just the Christmas tree lit and jammed packed with ornaments. Looking at each and every ornament and remember each meaning that goes with the ornament. First yr of marriage, baby's 1st Christmas, new home, Disney vacation ornaments, Basketballs, footballs, baseball, soccer and hockey ones, angels with the words hope, believe and faith, many homemade photo ones, and so many more.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away"
Sunny
P.S.
Please Tune in on December 29, at 9am to you TVs. I will be on live "The Pittsburgh Today Show".
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Another Birthday Post
Today my middle son turns 14 and I feel like its my birthday too. I think back to the very first Birthday post I wrote to my son Logan. I don't like to admit this, but NEVER did I think I would be here to write his 14th birthday post. Maybe that is because that's what the doctors were telling me. I pretended that I did and I think I really tried to make myself (or everyone that loves me) believe I was going to be around and beat this cancer but looking back I deep down thought he would be motherless at 14. I may not have beat it yet but I have crossed many mountains since that first birthday post. I am not writing this to break any hearts. I am writing this because I want to show that life is not predicted by a disease, a cancer, or a doctor. Life is planned out by nobody but God.
Seeing the man that Logan is becoming makes me so grateful that I did fight everyday to be here. He is strong and sensitive. He is kind yet tough. He is smart and funny. He is amazing just the way God intended him to be. In the craziness of my day today I find a minute to think about everything I want him to know before he becomes an adult man. Things that many moms can teach as the years go by. I however feel this urgent need to speed up that process and teach him now. Like:
1. Life is not easy but so worth it. So give it your all and never quit on living it.
2. Treat everyone you meet as if they are your best friend. You never know what could happen.
3. Respect yourself and know that you are worth it. Respect your peers even if you don't agree with them. Respect your elders they, earned that right.
4. Never think life has cheated you or has been unfair to you. Life is what you make it everyday no matter what obstacles are put in front of you.
5. If you are waiting to be happy when life is perfect then you will never be happy. And oh what joy you will miss if you are not happy. Happiness is one thing you can give yourself.
6. Love the Lord, then yourself, then your family, and then everyone else will be easy to love.
7. No matter how angry your brothers make you and how much you want them to go away know that they are the only ones that wont run away when you need them the most. Family is more valuable then all the riches in the world. See the good in the boys that you share a home with.
8. Fight for what's worth fighting for and walk awayfrom fights that aren't worth it.
9. Remember that no matter how hard life seems and how hopeless the outcome looks anything is possible through faith in the Lord.
10. For now, last but most importantly know that you can always come home to were you have unconditional love.
Logan is one of the four reasons I get up every morning. His birthday is a special day. I remember the day he was born as clear as the day itself. Everyday that I am here, no matter hard or easy, is as special as the day my sons where born. I am so glad that cancer has taught me that. "The Good in Cancer".
Happy Birthday my son.!!!!
Sunny
Seeing the man that Logan is becoming makes me so grateful that I did fight everyday to be here. He is strong and sensitive. He is kind yet tough. He is smart and funny. He is amazing just the way God intended him to be. In the craziness of my day today I find a minute to think about everything I want him to know before he becomes an adult man. Things that many moms can teach as the years go by. I however feel this urgent need to speed up that process and teach him now. Like:
1. Life is not easy but so worth it. So give it your all and never quit on living it.
2. Treat everyone you meet as if they are your best friend. You never know what could happen.
3. Respect yourself and know that you are worth it. Respect your peers even if you don't agree with them. Respect your elders they, earned that right.
4. Never think life has cheated you or has been unfair to you. Life is what you make it everyday no matter what obstacles are put in front of you.
5. If you are waiting to be happy when life is perfect then you will never be happy. And oh what joy you will miss if you are not happy. Happiness is one thing you can give yourself.
6. Love the Lord, then yourself, then your family, and then everyone else will be easy to love.
7. No matter how angry your brothers make you and how much you want them to go away know that they are the only ones that wont run away when you need them the most. Family is more valuable then all the riches in the world. See the good in the boys that you share a home with.
8. Fight for what's worth fighting for and walk awayfrom fights that aren't worth it.
9. Remember that no matter how hard life seems and how hopeless the outcome looks anything is possible through faith in the Lord.
10. For now, last but most importantly know that you can always come home to were you have unconditional love.
Logan is one of the four reasons I get up every morning. His birthday is a special day. I remember the day he was born as clear as the day itself. Everyday that I am here, no matter hard or easy, is as special as the day my sons where born. I am so glad that cancer has taught me that. "The Good in Cancer".
Happy Birthday my son.!!!!
Sunny
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
12/22/11 Christmas Party and book signing at Hough's Bar and Micro Brewer - Food and nonacohlic drinks for $20. Great night out before the Holiday. Great Chinese Auction. Invite all your friends for a get together. Alcohol available and amazing beers.An amazing Chinese auction with tons of Pittsburgh sports items. Silent Auction includes: Televison, Steeler, Penguins and Pirates autographed items and IPad. Great xmas gifts.
6:30 pm
563 Greenfield Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15207
412-586-5944
6:30 pm
563 Greenfield Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15207
412-586-5944
Friday, December 9, 2011
How long
It's 3:20 in the morning and I have been up since 2:00. In that hour in 20 minutes I have prayed, taken a shower, facebooked a little, prayed again, heard my youngest wake because he heard me yell in pain, took some pain meds and then finally my mind started to wonder. When this happens no matter what the pain is I have to stop it. I can not let my mind take over my fight. The house is dark, everyone is sleeping (except the ones I wake for a bit but they fall back to sleep), and its lonely. This is when i have to appreciate my alone time with God. This is also when I become so tired of my battle.
When I was praying tonight a begged that he take my pain away and give me tomorrow pain free. I am having some oral surgery because the chemo I have been on is doing some damage to my jaw and teeth. I really want to get through this without my bone pain. I prayed for those on my list that I have written on a long piece of paper stashed in my Bible. I am sure many of you are on that list. I then of course prayed for my boys. This time a little more for my youngest who has been sad lately. I thank the Lord for all the amazing blessing he has given me despite my cancer or through my cancer. I always end with asking that He guide me in making good choices is my life. Last night however, I prayed that God will tell me how much longer I need to suffer and fight.
It may sound like a negative thought. But it is not. I am so going to fight forever if God wants me to, but I just wondered tonight if I will know when it's time to stop fighting. I have wondered this before. In fact I have even talked to my pastor about this exact topic. "How long until it's too Long?" or "when will I know its time to stop fighting". Sounds horrible to have to think about this but I think I know the answer. I think God will tell me when he is ready for me. I am not afraid to die at all. I am afraid to leave my boys, Mark, my Mom and siblings, and my friends when they need me to be here. But I know that there is a fantastic place waiting for me.
After I was done praying it accrued to me that I am not done fighting. God has things for me to do here. At times it is hard and exhausting but it is His will. I believe I will know when I am done. I think my mind went to this because on Wed. when I was at chemo one of the nurses was talking to me about my book. She has been reading it and wanted to ask me about some of the things in it. She asked me if I ever want to give up. Truthfully I could not answer her..... I wasn't sure. She said that she wished she would of had a copy when her sister was fighting cancer. She told me that her sister and some of her patients seem so tired. They just want to stop fighting. As she was talking to me her eyes filled with tears. Mine did too. I told her I know exactly how they feel but God let's us know when we can quit and maybe God was telling them that. She hugged me tight and I didn't pull back in pain because I know she needed it. I can't imagine her life as a chemo nurse and having a sister that just past from cancer. How her heart must hurt. After we hugged she ask me how to pray. I was taken back.....how to pray? I told her just talk to Him.
I got called into the room and she walked away. I hope I said the right thing. As I was sitting waiting for my drug I thought of something and I wrote it down. On the way out I handed her the paper and gently hugged her this time. I don't want to tell you what I wrote but it was not my words it was just words that popped in my head. Let's just say we all can talk to Him but we need to Hear Him TOO!!!!.
Sunny
When I was praying tonight a begged that he take my pain away and give me tomorrow pain free. I am having some oral surgery because the chemo I have been on is doing some damage to my jaw and teeth. I really want to get through this without my bone pain. I prayed for those on my list that I have written on a long piece of paper stashed in my Bible. I am sure many of you are on that list. I then of course prayed for my boys. This time a little more for my youngest who has been sad lately. I thank the Lord for all the amazing blessing he has given me despite my cancer or through my cancer. I always end with asking that He guide me in making good choices is my life. Last night however, I prayed that God will tell me how much longer I need to suffer and fight.
It may sound like a negative thought. But it is not. I am so going to fight forever if God wants me to, but I just wondered tonight if I will know when it's time to stop fighting. I have wondered this before. In fact I have even talked to my pastor about this exact topic. "How long until it's too Long?" or "when will I know its time to stop fighting". Sounds horrible to have to think about this but I think I know the answer. I think God will tell me when he is ready for me. I am not afraid to die at all. I am afraid to leave my boys, Mark, my Mom and siblings, and my friends when they need me to be here. But I know that there is a fantastic place waiting for me.
After I was done praying it accrued to me that I am not done fighting. God has things for me to do here. At times it is hard and exhausting but it is His will. I believe I will know when I am done. I think my mind went to this because on Wed. when I was at chemo one of the nurses was talking to me about my book. She has been reading it and wanted to ask me about some of the things in it. She asked me if I ever want to give up. Truthfully I could not answer her..... I wasn't sure. She said that she wished she would of had a copy when her sister was fighting cancer. She told me that her sister and some of her patients seem so tired. They just want to stop fighting. As she was talking to me her eyes filled with tears. Mine did too. I told her I know exactly how they feel but God let's us know when we can quit and maybe God was telling them that. She hugged me tight and I didn't pull back in pain because I know she needed it. I can't imagine her life as a chemo nurse and having a sister that just past from cancer. How her heart must hurt. After we hugged she ask me how to pray. I was taken back.....how to pray? I told her just talk to Him.
I got called into the room and she walked away. I hope I said the right thing. As I was sitting waiting for my drug I thought of something and I wrote it down. On the way out I handed her the paper and gently hugged her this time. I don't want to tell you what I wrote but it was not my words it was just words that popped in my head. Let's just say we all can talk to Him but we need to Hear Him TOO!!!!.
Sunny
Friday, December 2, 2011
Events and Book Signings
Hello All,
I have been getting many emails about where and when is my next book signings. Here are the ones in December:
12/3/11 Bella Figura Spa - Enjoy mini spa treatments and we will have a book discussion
6:30 - 9:30
608 Main Street
Pittsburgh, Pa (Sharpesburg)
12/10/11 Barnes and Nobles in The Warterfront - book signing and a small reading from the book
12-2
100 West Bridge Street
Homestead, PA 15120
412-462-5743
12/22/11 Christmas Party and book signing at Hough's Bar and Micro Brewer - Food and nonacohlic drinks for $20. Great night out before the Holiday. Great Chinese Auction. Invite all your friends for a get together. Alcohol available and amazing beers.
6:30 pm
563 Greenfield Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15207
412-586-5944
I really hope to see some of you there.
Sunny
I have been getting many emails about where and when is my next book signings. Here are the ones in December:
12/3/11 Bella Figura Spa - Enjoy mini spa treatments and we will have a book discussion
6:30 - 9:30
608 Main Street
Pittsburgh, Pa (Sharpesburg)
12/10/11 Barnes and Nobles in The Warterfront - book signing and a small reading from the book
12-2
100 West Bridge Street
Homestead, PA 15120
412-462-5743
12/22/11 Christmas Party and book signing at Hough's Bar and Micro Brewer - Food and nonacohlic drinks for $20. Great night out before the Holiday. Great Chinese Auction. Invite all your friends for a get together. Alcohol available and amazing beers.
6:30 pm
563 Greenfield Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15207
412-586-5944
I really hope to see some of you there.
Sunny
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