SUNNY CARNEY
After a courageous 10 year fight battling Carcinoid Cancer, Sunny Carney, of Plum, passed peacefully on Saturday, November 3. She was married to her devoted husband, Mark; and was a loving mother to Austen, Logan and Nolan; daughter of Patricia Jennings and the late James J. Jennings; daughter-in-law of Dale and Dottie Carney; sister of Judy Phillips (Ray Jr.), Lynn Pesta (Teddy), Michael Jennings (Vicki Lynn), James Jennings (Sue), Joseph Jennings (Elizabeth), Sheila Fortes (Jim); sister-in-law of Craig Carney (Julia). She is also survived by numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, and was a true friend and inspiration to many.
In addition to being an inspiration to family and friends Sunny inspired carcinoid cancer patients across the globe through her blog, and then her book "The Sunny Side of Cancer. She spoke at numerous cancer events locally sharing stories of her journey which led her from Basel, Switzerland to all of the top Carcinoid Cancer specialists here in the states. She was an advocate for better diagnosis of the disease and for insurance coverage of treatments. She fought with grace and dignity, never letting the pain inside challenge her faith or diminish her love for life.
Memorials may be made to "Carney Family Fund", c/o S&T Bank, 2190 Hulton Road, Verona, PA 15147.
Friends received Monday 7-9 p.m. and Tuesday 3-8 p.m. at Unity Community Church, 215 Unity Center Road, Plum, PA 15239.
Funeral Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 a.m. in Unity Community Church with Rev. Frank Deluce officiating. Arrangements entrusted to CHARLES W. TRENZ FUNERAL HOME, INC.
VIEW GUEST BOOK Published in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette


After over a decade of suffering from Carcinoid Cancer, Sunny Jennings Carney has decided to fight back. She has currently undergone two proven treatments in Basel, Switzerland and is planning to return for two more. She is also planning on going to Houston, Texas for a six month period to undergo experimental treatments that look promising but are not FDA approved. She has exhausted all the FDA approved treatments here in the United States and will not accept that this is all there is for her. She has dedicated her fight to help others understand this rare cancer and to find successful treatments in the United States. Her strong faith in God and will to never quit has turned a 6 month life expectancy to over two years presently.

Below is an entry that was written by Sunny's husband Mark when she had her third bout. To become updated on her journey please enjoy her posts.

Please check back for updates and event information.

Sunny Carney Carcinoid Cancer Fund
C/o S & T Bank
2190 Hulton Road
Verona, PA 15147


Sunny's husband Mark tells their story...

A mother of three boys, a daughter, the baby sister to a large family, an aunt, a godmother to several, a trusted friend, an outreach volunteer, a business owner and my wife. Sunny Carney lives up to her name every time someone speaks to her; she is beautiful both in and out. She has been my biggest motivator, my rock and my inspiration in tough times, my biggest fan in good times, and most importantly my best friend. Told 14 years ago that having children may not be part of our future because of ovarian cancer, she kept the faith, and is a wonderful mother to our three sons- Austen, Logan, and Nolan. She is always ensuring that they know the Lord, love of life, kindness to others, hard work, and occasionally when to "shape up".

Her boundless energy, healthy lifestyle and positive attitude are infectious. She has served as president of our children’s PTA, organized committees that benefit those who are less fortunate in the community and led drives for those who have been caught up in unfortunate situations. She has done so much for others, usually without letting anyone ever know, I could not begin to list them. Her strong faith in God and modest upbringing has given her a sense of giving that only she can explain. When she successfully started her own photography business, she also started a non-profit division photographing family portraits for area families fighting cancer. Her friends say she is amazing and she simply shakes her head and wonders what all of the fuss is about.

Her mother, sisters, brothers and large extended family will tell you she is the one you can count on to lend an ear when needed and never judge. She was raised by her loving mother and father who was the warden of the Allegheny County Jail and actually spent most of her childhood in the residence connected to the jail. At a young age she witnessed more of life’s tragedies and obstacles through her neighbors, the prisoners, than most of us can imagine.

Although all of the aforementioned is remarkable it is not what makes her truly special. Sunny is a two time cancer survivor and now is currently fighting for a third time. After beating ovarian carcinoid cancer and undergoing serious surgery for carcinoid tumors in her right lung just three years ago, the carcinoid tumors returned in her lymph nodes, liver and bones. The size and proliferation throughout the liver of these tumors mandates immediate chemotherapy in four treatments over the next few months as well as monthly octreotide treatments. These painful treatments will hopefully stop the growth but are not a cure. There are numerous tumors in her spine, her skull, her hip, her leg, and her shoulder...all in the bones and she will wait on potential radiation to fight those.

What my wife has is Carcinoid Cancer Syndrome, an endocrine disease which is rare and spreads from organ to organ. As of right now the only known treatment for remission is administered by renowned clinics in Europe. However the treatment is not covered by our insurance. Our doctors have encouraged us to start raising money and matching grants could follow. Her lead oncologist strongly believes that Sunny would be a prime candidate to be a voice to get the message out regarding carcinoid cancer syndrome, bring this treatment to the United States and encourage approval from the FDA. Without this treatment, the tumors most likely will continue to metastasize in other organs and her fight will be ongoing. Sunny has set up The Sunny Carney Carcinoid Cancer Fund to support her treatments. She believes that once she beats this cancer she can make a difference to others also suffering from Carcinoid Cancer.

Mark A. Carney

Sunny Carney Carcinoid Cancer Fund
C/o S & T Bank
2190 Hulton Road
Verona, PA 15147



Monday, October 28, 2013

Two People...One Bond....Three Words...

SUNSHINE.....I LOVE YOU....CAN'T STOP....MISS YOU....WON'T STOP.....now that's out of the way as the Pandora plays your favorite Tears For Fears song....yep...Sunny Wants to Rule The World...haha....you were the most driven person I ever met....everything had to always be just so...which is great and ties in for my talk tonight...because as you know and lamented many times...I usually could have cared less....if it got done...great....if it got done less than perfect...even better....as I used to joke this time of year....we weren't wasting our time for that perfect Halloween costume for toddlers...then young kids...then JR Man-Childs....then...well  you get it...and boy did I get it....

And as Duran frickin Duran comes on with Ordinary World...yes...I won't cry for yesterday....amazing how tastes and opinions change over time...(including thoughts about a certain pin-up girlie 80's band...haha).....but as my ordinary world changed....and I learned to survive...sorry quoting/singing along with this cheesy song...but it fits...somehow...as the boys ask me to if I can take them for costumes so they can wear to parties/and be cool...I remember the first costume you made....Ace...wanted to be Jack from Nightmare B4 X-Mas...You hand stitched black costume...feet cutouts...hand flip overs in case it got cold...Fluorescent add on for effect and safety....the mask....damn...George Romero wasn't as painstakingly careful....(He wore it for three years until it ripped when he outgrew it...) then came Harry Potter...then came the ghosts....but not just sheets with holes like my Charlie Brown ass wanted to do when Nolan wanted to be a ghost...you had to sew and cut and custom fit with Velcro and elastic waistbands....damn...and when a certain middle child wanted to be Britney Spears....I said "no cross-dressing"....you made sure his make up was perfect...and it was a frickin riot...you would take them with Colleen up and down...then come back...dump candy off...reload...grab car keys and go to the "mother of all candy "....in Oakmont...
and I would stay here....pass out candy....drink with neighbor dads....watch football in window if it was on...you were the Queen of Holidays....

I Love you....

Sorry last two songs were Hold Me Now...(U all guess the cheesy 80's band...Sunny and I had the greatest hits CD...and Head Over Heels....by well....TFF)....

Its the soundtrack of our life in a way....just saying...although in a sidebar I recall when after we got back from Nashville and the Gaylord hotel there and Logan heard that CD in the car "Tennessee Jed" by the Grateful Dead and took it to Redeemer Lutheran pre-school....and how you got that phone call soon after....and then when Ace took Duran Duran greatest hits CD to Pivik for headphone recess day in third grade or something and you were president of PTA and because it had James Bond theme View to a Kill it was banned and you had to go up and there and get it....(Now "I Promise You....by one hit wonder When In Rome is on....hold on....our driving to Florida CD...I need a tissue or the dogs back....)......OK....dog wanted to know what the frick I was doing waking him up to rub snot and boogers on him and his bed.....and yes PETA friends out there that's true....(I changed the blanket on his bed and gave his coat a quick brush freaks....don't get hostile....out of tissues and the UnderArmour ain't getting washed tonight....)....before we move off of music I recall when Nolan was requested to play the Star Spangled Banner and one song during the changeover on his guitar three years ago for O'Block's Holiday Concert....and the Jimi Hendrix version of the Anthem was "righteous" with all of us...but when he said he was learning Back In Black....we secretly laughed our ass off....but had to encourage him to learn a different song....(that's right....Sweet Child of Mine...just as loud....twice as hard solo...but made you smile when the crowd sang along and you got to be there...)...music was a big part of our life...helped us on way to your appointments...the U2 concert we did as a family on the school bus will be forever seared in my memory...your encouraging the boys to stay with music...making me buy that damn drum set for Logan and set it up Christmas Eve...thanks....love it...dust it once a month....Ace hated the Bass because it meant he was second fiddle to Nolan...and well Nolan...he just rocked...and if you hadn't...Justin Dillon and the crew never would have made the impact on our lives...the funny thing is I was the one who played through school...the band geek as a freshman so to speak...not you...but you made sure they had the best....you made sure they(and not just our boys and me....but everyone you came across...)....knew that they were Loved...that when they went to sleep...they didn't have to dream about a new mother...you could be fighting a deadly cancer...but always had Hope....and if we kept the Faith...and showed and lived as an example to them...and to others...than how could they doubt?  So music and Halloween were just a long ass winded way of me to get to the point of our talk....

And what inspired me for this talk tonight was one conversation and one FB message from tonight...
funny thing is both are friends that I never would have known if we weren't blessed with your fight...lets just leave it at that....one shared a scripture and the 27th was her b-day and helped break my emotional dam so I could finally start this....(and boy I just let it rip with His help since....)....and the other is grieving like me and asked me in a round about way...."I may not be super into God...trying...sort of...but after this happened...how do I know God is real???"...and I paraphrase but think I got the gist of the question/emotions she was feeling....

FAITH....HOPE....LOVE.....so the definition of Faith is "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see"....(HEB 11:1...in case yunz don't believe me)...and the beauty/tragedy of that simple verse is its true....the choice we all will make is what are we hoping for?...are we hoping to get rich...to look younger...for our kids to get into the best school....for a promotion...for a new car...for a hug...or for something greater?????...I remember back in the spring of 1991 I just hoped you would return my call....and let me see you again...you hoped "my potential" would someday pan out...but we had hope....earthly at first and then beyond...and then the second question is....Do you have assurance about what you do not see????...again choices....because guess what we all do....some in Him and Heaven...some in Global Warming and some in technology....(and I just use the latter as examples....none of us has actually seen Global Warming and most of us can't say they know how their smartphones work....or even their radio....or cameras...well you get it...it could be dropping a letter in the FED EX box and trusting without seeing it will be halfway around the world by ten AM....never seen it....but we trust....)...so it comes down to what do you hope for....what will you swear or accept to be true without seeing....because whatever that is you will live for....if its "Damn this is the hottest smartest woman I ever met and if I play it cool then I hope she will go out with me"....or not....just saying....and then if its "OK we are getting married and she has had one ovary removed and has a tumor on the other...honeymoon...no kids...try fast....know what...screw it...we will have kids..." ....that's a whole different level...so I guess the answer is at some point if you listen....look...and learn...FAITH is exemplified everyday....in so many ways...in so many of us.....its just up to you if you have the Worlds Designer Goggles on or Faith Focals....tinted...bi-focals...square...round....nerdy...trendy....pink..blue...tortoise shell...whatever...it don't matter to Him....He wrote the first and ultimate "love one another as you would yourself "  amendment....I will say right now what we said all the time....FAITH CAN BE SEEN...some call it coincidence...or damn Sunny magic...or miracles we hear about....or "Incredible Irony"...whatever....FAITH can be experienced....we know....our three kids are living breathing proof....we had a choice...each time....we trusted...thank God we never wavered....or this house would be awful quiet....so the definition is accurate...but like He did his miracles....raising the dead...healing the sick...feeding the thousands with a $10 Sheetz card...walking on the Mon....rising from Hell to take my frickin screw ups without even shaking my hand...yeah I know it....because if not....that whole fight we did and these talks we have were the mad ravings and rantings of a lunatic and his sick invalid wife.....

So the two separate became one....one Bond...our song....U2....ours was a fight for a cure....to keep you here...I didn't want to punt your ass up there....you didn't want to go there just yet...but you knew if you were gone you were better off....(never seen a bunch of monkeys or seals or bees or stink bugs or dolphins have a funeral....pray...wake...mourn...grieve...for their kind....I do know Oscar still misses you....just saying....you who don't believe....invite me to the next horse funeral organized by Mr. Ed....I will bring a wreath of flowers.....and we all know the only flowers horses get is when they win a race...and then some hot blond takes them home anyways....just saying...)...so we were two and then became one....

And to finish this long winded talk....and to finish the message of the title....three words....yep....Steelers Lose Again....sorry...Faith Hope Love....Love being the greatest of them all...I just say....people seem to confuse love with emotions....really.....that's Hallmark BS....that's the world saying....if it feels right at first sight...then it must be right....BS....LOVE....HE tells us that we are to Love each other like He loved us....what kind of Love is that?....it is the commitment of the will that holds steadfast and unchanging....no matter what you may be feeling that day....or what he or she just said or did....or no matter what your kid just did....or no matter how bad your BFF hurt you the night before...or no matter how bad the external situation you are going through is tearing you both apart....He forgave the dude on the cross next to Him at the very end....He asked the Big Guy to forgive those who hung Him on that cross....really....that's Love...its not a pendulum...that's for keeping time in music...its not about feelings...because guess what....we all will feel good/bad/love/hate/kindness/bitterness///etc...we are human...Love like He loved us....unconditional...not stuck on the moment....but the bigger picture...ties back into Faith and Hope if you think about it....just saying...

So I have wasted enough of your time this morning Sunshine....I am sure you have more glorious things to do than sit there saying...."yes Mark....ok Mark....".....thanks for humoring me....now I stop...Peter Gabriel...."Your Eyes"  is on...and your green bewitching eyes...I am going to go off and be alone now...thanks...

I LOVE YOU SUN 4EVER

ME


























Tuesday, October 22, 2013

That Little Thing Called Wiffleball(Got Balls?)

Well Sunshine....I LOVE U....I MISS U....this will be a hard few weeks....I know I know move on...but grieving is something you take one step at a time...if it was so easy there would be one playbook...(that Book doesn't count per say though I read it daily...because that's the Book on how to live)....no there are whole aisles on the subject as I have learned....(not a very cheerful part of Barnes&Nobles I might add....be a good spot to be a tissue salesman though)...but if there was one script...one way to act...one way to handle it....there would be one book...that's it...but its complicated and changes like the wind...I am thankful that I have tethered my lifeline to the Rock so the winds don't blow me off course....oh I get yanked to and fro...I bump into electrical wires and get shocked....and it hurts...and I fight to avoid those grabbing snarling branches....that yearn to entangle the lifeline....but when all is calm....when the wind ebbs...the tether holds me fast....who knows where this poor Irish sap would be right now without that Rock...

Enough...I wasn't doing this tonight or early morning as it is to get all choked up in a negative means...I wanted to share and recall the joys and the message of what we experienced through that little fundraiser we called Got Balls?...Wiffleball...if you had told me way back when that you would be fighting a rare type of cancer I would have asked why you?....but would have had to at least accept that things happen....afterall we had to deal with tumors before we were married...on our honeymoon...before our kids...etc....if you had told me that the fight would take us to Iowa...to Tampa..to Nashville...and to Basel frickin Switzerland three times I would have said...well...I guess its possible...lets saddle up and go....(not that I had ever had of Basel....)...but if you had told me that we would be able to pay for a good chunk of the costs of the fight by organizing and holding an annual Wiffleball tournament I would have said...right...Wiffleball...that little white ball with the holes in it and the skinny yellow bat....that game we quit playing as we "grew up"....and just like in Toy Story 3...we discovered the opposite sex...Nintendo....quarters...whatever....that "kids game...?"..

Right....

So now I marvel...humbled...acutely aware that something ridiculously divine stamped its big foot right up the rear end of our life journey...as if any of us who joined you in the fight would have said..."yea...lets organize a wiffleball tournament...that will do it..."....

Right....

"And better yet...lets do it in the fall....no wait...mid to late October...with no rain heck no snow makeup dates...."...but there was more...so much more...."and lets not close registration for teams...because its the right thing...and lets have over 50 teams...and lets have faith it will work..."

Right....

I remember reading in the Book where He healed the sick....where He honored prayer...but I don't recall ever reading about Him blessing a little Wiffleball fundraiser...just a game...a kids game...and I think the prayers behind it...the faith...the trust...and it became possible...and a big part of the charm was the fact it was a kids game...and knowing how you felt about kids...any kid...the fact anyone could be a kid for a day by playing that simple little game...with family...with friends...and help raise money...it was ....like I said humbling to us....

But that was only the beginning of the story...the first one was organized in about two months...I can still hear Timmy telling me..."you know Wiffleball...someone else did this in Pittsburgh and it worked..."...he said it half or mostly as a joke as we both struggled with the fact that your best treatment option was in frickin a place called Basel...was going to be expensive and not covered...but also not going was not an option...WHATEVER IT TAKES...DO IT...that was your motto...that was how you lived before and after you got sick...I picture the faces of family and friends...."the Planning Team..." when we all met here on the back porch that summer afternoon because we had this great fundraising idea and we dropped the Wiffleball bomb on them....incredulous...not sure if we were serious...not sure if we weren't wasting our time...."come on Mark...lets do a spaghetti dinner....or a race...or walk.."(those came later thankfully of course)...put it this way....if we were playing Family Feud...and the question was How to Raise Money for Cancer....Wiffleball wasn't on the board....survey would have said....RAANNT...

But they all blindly went with the program...and what a special blessed group they were and are....and I don't need to mention names...they know its unspoken how their blind faith buying in made it possible to get overseas and have more time...wow...their faith and trust that it "wouldn't rain on Sunny"...and all of the work...and giving of their time....it was like our own little five loaves and two fish saga...

well take that back....You and I knew it was always beyond us...in fact we would joke it was despite of us...because for some reason He would use that little event....not just for your fight financially...it became so much more...it literally brought communities together....Plum and Greenfield....it brought families out to enjoy a magical day together...it brought old friends of ours who we had lost touch with back into our lives...it was about kids laughing and then being inspired by how you fought...it was about spending time with people you cared about....it was about neighbors....it was about teammates and classmates of our boys supporting them...easing their angst....even if it was just for a day...it was about teachers....teaching a life lesson about caring that no textbook ever could...message received...it was about DJ's waving their fees....it was about people giving...baskets...beer wagon...food....cooking...setting up and cleaning up...the Advance Leader writing your story and having I am certain to mention for the first time "WIFFLEBALL BENEFIT"....

Got Balls?  Really....

But like most of our journey together when we came home and finally shut the beer wagon down for the night...and went upstairs we were never at a loss for specific moments that left an indelible mark on our hearts...honestly I enjoyed those talks of ours on those V Sunday nights more so than when the money totals came in...and I don't have to say that of course the money was spent fighting via Basel and that you got your wings....and now just these memories/images remain....but I will....and I know as appreciative and blessed we were to have donations from Mario and AJ Burnett and so many other sporting local legends...and businesses...that you always commented on so and so's little daughter who gave her only dollar for a hair braiding...or about all the kids who dyed their hair matching team colors....or how people came from down South...the CMU hoop team...the Champs back from college each year...(you know I still have the jersey they made for you and that you wore with such humbled pride).....

It was about a dad wanting to celebrate his birthday by playing Wiffleball with his family...it was about this community telling me so many times..."thanks...we needed this....we never seen anything like this or met someone like Sunny..."....and us laughing because we knew it was Him...it was about kids inspired to the point they got mad at me this fall when I didn't hold the VI Got Balls....(we will do it in the spring I promise....)....it was about so much more than just a ball and a bat...and raising money....

So when I saw Austen and his teammates win the championship on Saturday...and my dad being there proud as can be...and how those same kids have embraced one of their own who has health issues....I was so damn proud....sports can help....

So when I saw the Steelers and Ravens kneeling on CBS in prayer after a hard fought game....it didn't matter who won...HE won...CBS forgot to switch cameras I guess and that image had over ten thousand hits when posted....

Life isn't a game....I know that...we know that...but as Wiffleball taught us.....by having faith...by trusting....anything is possible...even accepting that a life-saving trip to Basel can be paid for by a day of Wiffleball.....

So I ask...we got the lesson....two actually...Faith makes anything....no matter how stupid it may seem possible if you truly trust....and ....then you have to "GOT BALLS" to do it....Faith...and Action....


MISSING YOU SUN....LOVING YOU SUN....

ME










































Thursday, October 17, 2013

Almost A Year

SUNNY I LOVE YOU....its so hard to believe that we have been apart for almost a year...wow...I can't tell you enough that I miss you...because I know you feel it...I know that there is no turning back...I know that we look back on the time we had with you here and are thankful....but it still seems like a bad dream...I still expect Freddy Kreuger to bring you back...Nightmare on PA Ave....

I wasn't expecting or planning to have this conversation with you like this tonight...but while checking on the parent portal for the kids academic progress I came across the reminder that November 3 was the end to Daylight Savings Time....and it hit me...the irony...the fact that we were losing an hour of Sunshine on the day we lost our Sun....you still know how to get to me....thanks...

And as I sit here....Don't You Forget About Me comes on Pandora...really....really...sometimes I need to be reminded how much of a charmed life we had...sounds strange...without you for a year...yet I feel like we were so blessed to have had the run....that incredible journey of Faith Hope and Love...and Love is the greatest of them all...four letters that can't be rearranged to spell anything else...an emotion so strong that if you are lucky to have it....and get it back in return...wow...nothing matters....what else could? 

A year ago we were days away from Got Balls V....Wiffleball....I smile...we weren't stressing...we just trusted that although we had to push it back to 10.21.12 that the weather would cooperate...the teams would register...and to be honest...I remember laughing with you that we didn't care either way...your feet and ankles were so swollen...you had been through shingles...we had made it to Amy's wedding...it just was going to be what it was going to be....we prayed...we let it go...you weren't supposed to go...it was a cold morning...dew...fog...burned my lungs as we set up...you came...the announcement was made...Sunny is here...only staying for a few minutes...I never even got to do more than squeeze you for a photo op after Roz sang....I should have known...when I heard later...an hour at least...Sunny is still here...down at the pavilion...damn....as if you knew...you made me promise to do one more...Irish only do things in Sixes....I let you down...I promise we will do it in the spring...one last great Wiffleball tourney....don't care who the money goes to....neither did you...you made me promise and I still live with the feeling I didn't honor one of your last requests....

And before I move on....how blessed that whole event became...the help...the donations...the weather...the fun...the memories...frickin  Wiffleball...come on...I remember that first year...the panic when I had to redo the schedule for 60 teams...double elimination...hiding with Buzz daughters in a SUV redoing the posterboard...deciphering my handwriting for them...Happy and Tommy trying to find me...Mark more teams...what time do they play?  The baskets...so many donations for Chinese Auction...Kelly saying it was most she had ever seen...the beer wagon...wow...thank God for that...nothing buys time like a beer wagon....you giving the trophies out...what an amazing special day...

Firsts....I have heard that a lot the past year...I have said that a lot this  past year....but I am not going to pontificate on the firsts of this past year...we have already talked about that...or posted on FB....they hurt...they are empty...incomplete...I choose to remember our first date....our first kiss...our first Christmas...our first child...our first house...our first anniversary...our first move....our first dog...our first time at Hartwood Acres...our first trip to Disney as a family...(my first trip ever btw)....our first jobs...our first apartment...our first vacation to Florida you pregnant and swelling...(that theme came back)....our first time in San Diego...our first trip to Hillman...our first trip to Basel...our kids first day of school....turning 21 with you at Station Square and that stupid Sombrero you put on me for the Polaroid pic....thanks....still have it...our first ultrasound photo...the first kick of the gift inside of you...the first time I got to kiss you as man and wife...the first hug...the first...well you know....the first crazy Jennings family holiday....the first time you made Happy wear the Santa suit at the new house and he smelled like Billy Bob Thornton....the first time I brought you flowers to Pivik and made the PTA President feel like the Queen you were....I don't want to stop....but I think you and I both get it....celebrate those firsts...the others aren't firsts...they are milestones....well I guess they may be the boys and I firsts...but they aren't OUR firsts....so I don't celebrate them...

I can tell you that one thing I have learned the past year is that there is no telling or predicting what or when something will trigger a memory...evoke smiles...or tears....I try to hide them...its private...grieving really is like life...a roller coaster....I can vividly recall those last few days...damn photo memory...I don't have to reread the post...I never have...its been read and hopefully touched people over 5500 times....wow...but I regress....you will never be forgotten....you also will never be replaced...when people being well intentioned ask "how are you doing Mark?"...I answer "Fine"....that was our standard response I recall....but deep down I want to just shout out...."I am lonely...so Frickin lonely....you have no idea...I miss her so F-in much...."...but I don't ever do it...but I want to ...just once....

The things we...sorry stepped out back to regroup and after a rather crappy Sunless wet day here in da Burgh what appears to be a full moon appears...but clouds screaming in front of it...wisps not quite strong enough to diminish or erase....just speeding by...like angels on a 911 call....and I come back in...and Alive and Kicking is on Pandora....yep...Simple Minds twice....(I know sort of fitting in a way...shut up honey).....

The things we do or I guess I do now that you used to take care of have been illuminating...Logan's concussion...scary...making him do his eye exercises....and praying...yet today or I guess yesterday by now....noticed improvement...the boys needing more underwear dad....really?....how am I to know....homecoming dances....pictures that didn't quite measure up to your standards....Nolan bummed about not playing in baseball playoffs....Ace excited because he made several standout plays in his....Logan using your camera for his photography class....girlfriends....I think....you were the one they opened up to...you were the one who snooped through the phones...and texts...I am relying on man intuition...now there is an oxymoron....that Pirates playoff game though...that was a priceless night....yet I kept thinking....its great...and I am thankful...but someone was missing....I would have wheeled you up....

Not mastered the whole cooking thing yet....though have gotten decent at grocery shopping for value....have mastered laundry...damn these man-childs go through a lot of towels....but no clue as to how to iron...the dog misses his trips to the dog spa with you....I just do the vet...the house is still standing but it is a house that is down one...one Queen of Hearts...no full house...

So....I have had so many reach out and tell me how these "talks" of ours...or my FB posts help them which keeps me going to be honest...but last week I had a really special one...no names...but a certain 17 year old son from one of your best friends from the Field of Dreams sent me a note saying how he is inspired by us and to keep posting/writing....meant the world to me at that moment....you know who I am talking about....you get it....I always said I will do this regardless of how many read it but that feedback was awesome....thanks Ryan....

Anyways....its really late...or early I guess....I need to go pull the towels out of the dryer and fold em...down to one shower right now....and 5:45 is not far off for the man-childs wakeup time....

I LOVE U SUN....I MISS U....

ME