Throughout my blog and in my book I talk a lot about perseverance. I have learned through this long cancer battle how to persevere through many hurdles this cancer brings. From the day I was diagnosed, the horrible chemo-embolizations, many experimental treatments, several surgeries, hip surgery, femur replacement and learning how to walk again, continuous pain, treatments that caused nasty side effects and did not work, huge financial burdens, and even several trips to Switzerland for difficult treatments I have tried my best not to give up and keep climbing the mountain. My faith has most of the time stayed pretty strong which gives me hope. I read every chapter in the Bible that speaks of perseverance and several books on how to keep going when the going gets tough. I have asked the Lord to help me get through my rough times and have seen those prays answered. I do believe that there is better days ahead so I keep on fighting until that cure is found. I thought that I knew what it meant to keep on going no matter how many times I fall. Never did I think I could learn the real meaning of perseverance through the life of my 15 year old son Austen.
Yesterday I watch my son play his first baseball game in 17 months, since his first surgery on his knee. April of 2011 Austen injured his ACL, MCL, meniscus and PCL of the right knee playing an AEU basketball game. He had reconstructive surgery a few weeks after the injury. He had 9 months of physical therapy just in time to start playing again in the middle of the basketball season. However he had missed the whole summer season of baseball, his true love. A week into basketball season he had his jaw dislocated. After two weeks of chiropractic work and rest he was back on the court only to injure his left knee the first game back. Thanks to much prayer the left knee was just a bad sprain of the MCL. Again going through physical therapy for five more weeks. I have to say I truly thought this would crush him emotionally.
I think back to a few days after his first surgery and the pain he was going through. I was helping him put his brace on, he look so sad and discouraged. I told him that this is just temporary and he would back to sports sooner then he could remember the pain. He said that he knew that, but he said it without convection. I really don't think he actually believed it then. We started talking about what he had to do to get back on the court or field. I could tell he felt defeated and scared. He had so much time on his hands without sports. I told him that this could be the most important time of his life. This is when he will learn what he is made off....yes physically, but mentally mostly. Of course like moms are suppose to do I hyped him up and told him he could do it all. However I don't think our conversation impacted him until I told him he was tough. He said, "I'm not as tough as you, mom. I hope I can do what you do." I laughed because I can't even open a pickle jar.....I am a weakling now....he thinks this is tough well this should be easy then. I said, "Are you kidding me, your have always been tough. I look at you for help". I explained to him that the times when I am losing my strength I just close my eyes and imagine the goal. I then told him that I really pray a lot and then my fears go away. I don't know what I said that changed him that day but the switch was on. Austen has never been afraid of anything. I call him my extremist because everything he does he does to the extreme.....both good and bad. Ever since he could walk he would try anything. He would never quit trying at something either. If it was learning to write his name or making the small basketball in the big boys hoop. I remember him at 3 years old going to a the basketball court at the park across the street from our first home and shooting and shooting. The ball never getting more then 6 feet from the ground. He would just say over and over again, "one more try, one more try". He thinks he not as tough as his little mom. He is crazy.
After that talk which continued on for a while I saw the real Austen emerge. He worked so hard to get back to his old sports self. He went to physically therapy 3 to 4 times a week all summer and fall. When his friends were at the swimming pool or summer barn fires, Austen was either at the gym or at physical therapy. He would come home and do more work for an hour or two in his room. School started and homework kicked in. When he wasn't studying he was rehabbing. He was so determined to be in the best shape he could be as fast as possible. After all his hard work he was so excited to go back to the surgeon to get the okay to go back to sports just before basketball tryouts. But when the surgeon XRayed him he told Austen he needed six more weeks of rehab. The surgery was more then most he does and the muscles around the knee were just not strong enough to hold up for basketball. I was crashed for him. I think I cried harder that night then I did after my last scan reports when they told me my liver tumors were growing faster. He did not shed a tear. He was not discourage at all. In fact he had that Austen determination in his eyes again. That look I see in him when he losing a game he wants to win. He worked even harder and harder those six weeks. Mark and I went to Switzerland for my treatments and Austen just kept on working. The week we got back Austen started back to basketball finally.
After two practice I got a call from him that he needed me to come get him in the trainers office. Of course I was praying that it was not his knee. You would think all that I have been through I would learn to not panic of a knee injury. It's not life threatening. It's his knee....but to him its his love of sports. I just thought that another injury would really break him. When I got there he looked like he did a few rounds with Tyson. He had gotten knocked in the jaw going for a rebound and is was dislocated. Another two weeks out. He took it with such a great attitude. He didn't complain or feel sorry for himself in the least. He did what he had to do to get back and in two weeks he was back.
Of course his toughness was not done being tested, first game back Austen drove for the ball and pop. I was sitting at the top of the bleachers and his scream echoed through my heart. He went down and was holding his other knee. Honestly, I felt sicker to my stomach then any amount of chemo could do for me. After MRI the news was not so bad.... sprained MCL and 6 weeks of rehab. Austen took it like a man and back at it he went. Worked hard and did everything and more to get strong again. Never a complained, a "why me" or even a crap this happened....he just plugged along. Went to every physical therapy, gym work and every basketball practice and game to cheer his team on. Just like he did for baseball the summer of the surgery.
Through his whole recovery I had learned so much about my son and about me. I learned that he has true faith in the Lord. Many times I prayed with him and many times he would pray himself. I don't lecture a lot about praying. I tell them to pray or ask if they want to pray with me but I don't want to turn them off. I think its important for them to SEE me have faith not me TELL them to have faith. My actions of pray and faith is what they need. They don't need me nagging at them to have a relationship with God. Nor do they need me always quoting the Bible. They need me to show them how to live like a Christian so that they know how to live that way too. I see that I never needed to lecture Austen about God because he got it and turned to Him during his rough time. I learned that he is the toughest teen I have every come across. Mostly I have learned that nothing is going to knock him down. He has hope and dreams that no injury will hold him back from. He showed me that he is truly a man. One that I can say knows how to reach deep down and pull out the best. Through all those months of rehab never once did Austen say the words, "I CAN'T". I don't think he ever thought those words either.
He showed me that perseverance is to have commitment to overcome adversity. To have perseverance you must know how to work hard and endure pain. He should me how to bear difficulties calmly, with patience and without complaints. Of all the days of physical therapy or gym time he never once did not want to go. He even missed a vacation because he did not want to miss his work outs. I have to say I really learned from him. We even did therapy together. I was learning how to strengthen my new leg. I tried to challenge him and he would laugh at me. He really was my rock through that time. I would see him watching me out of the corner of his eye to make sure I was OK. He would ask me for a thumbs up across the room and of course would pretend that I was great. We would chat on our way to and from in the car. He would talk to me as long as I let him listen to his music which I have to admit I kinda learned to like. But he never quit and would never let me quit.
So when I sat at his first High School baseball game I sat with one eye closed every play he made and every hit he had. When he ran the bases I held my breath until he made it to the next base. But I have to say I sat and watched with such pride. Yes he had a great game but that was not what my pride was about. My pride was that he played like he never missed a step. After the game, for the first time in 17 months I saw that Austen smile and wink. He of course has smiled through his injury but it was not the same one. There was something missing. Well when he ran off the field after the third out he looked over a me and there it was. The wink and smile that said, "I'm Back Mom". I held back the tears until I got home and said my prays of thanks.
I want to be humble about my son but I also want to express what I have learned from him. I guess I expected him to succeed after the first surgery but he kept getting knocked down time after time.....he kept getting back up. I could say that my cancer battle taught him how to fight back from this injury, but I know that this time cancer had nothing to do with it. It is his inner soul that got him back on that field. His self assurance that he could do it. Mostly though, it was his FAITH in God and his continue prays that gave him the hope. It's hard to look at our children for knowledge. As a mom I want to think that everything they have become is because of me. But this time I know deep down that what I have become is because of him.
Pleases pray that Austen stays healthy all season.
With Pride,
Sunny
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
SUNNY CARNEY After a courageous 10 year fight battling Carcinoid Cancer, Sunny Carney, of Plum, passed peacefully on Saturday, November 3. She was married to her devoted husband, Mark; and was a loving mother to Austen, Logan and Nolan; daughter of Patricia Jennings and the late James J. Jennings; daughter-in-law of Dale and Dottie Carney; sister of Judy Phillips (Ray Jr.), Lynn Pesta (Teddy), Michael Jennings (Vicki Lynn), James Jennings (Sue), Joseph Jennings (Elizabeth), Sheila Fortes (Jim); sister-in-law of Craig Carney (Julia). She is also survived by numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, and was a true friend and inspiration to many.
In addition to being an inspiration to family and friends Sunny inspired carcinoid cancer patients across the globe through her blog, and then her book "The Sunny Side of Cancer. She spoke at numerous cancer events locally sharing stories of her journey which led her from Basel, Switzerland to all of the top Carcinoid Cancer specialists here in the states. She was an advocate for better diagnosis of the disease and for insurance coverage of treatments. She fought with grace and dignity, never letting the pain inside challenge her faith or diminish her love for life.
Memorials may be made to "Carney Family Fund", c/o S&T Bank, 2190 Hulton Road, Verona, PA 15147.
Friends received Monday 7-9 p.m. and Tuesday 3-8 p.m. at Unity Community Church, 215 Unity Center Road, Plum, PA 15239.
Funeral Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 a.m. in Unity Community Church with Rev. Frank Deluce officiating. Arrangements entrusted to CHARLES W. TRENZ FUNERAL HOME, INC.
VIEW GUEST BOOK Published in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Greatness out of Tradgey
It was a sad day in Pittsburgh on Thursday March 8th. A gunman went into our local psychiatric hospital and shot 11 people killing one. The victim Micheal Schaab was a 25 year old therapist who wanted to dedicate his life to helping others. He had just got engaged to be married this Valentines Day. He was coming back from his lunch break and in his pocket was a money order written to his college where he just register for his PHD. To make the situation even more heartbreaking for the victims family, his sister was murder 18 months earlier in a domestic situation. Yesterday the news stations cover Mr. Schaabs funeral. They interviewed many friends and family members that had so many touching things to say about Micheal: he was so kind and giving, wanted to help the elderly with mental illness, loved his family especially his parents, would light up the room when he walked into it. One of his co-workers said that she would look on the schedule and if Michael was working she knew it would be a great day. However the interview that sticks in my head the most was the interview with his own father. From his words and calmness you could just tell this man had tremendous faith. What touched me the most was how he talked about the out pour of kindness that his family was receiving. The "private" funeral was attending by well over 500 people. He said the donations, food, letters, flowers and prayers have helped him and his wife get through the lost of their last child. Then holding back his tears he said something that I can not get out of my head, he said Michael's death has shown his wife and himself that the world has so many good people in it.
I am talking about this tragedy for one reason only. To show that evilness can bring out greatness in people. Of course, I am not saying that this poor boy should of ever died for kindness to be seen. I think kindness and greatness is everywhere it's just takes someone hitting rock bottom to really notice it. My point is that one mans wickedness can be over taken by hundreds and hundreds of those who are wonderful. When I hear that the world is full of immorality and sin I don't see it like that. I feel that we are giving one man way too much credit for his wrathful acts and lets face it that is what he wanted. Michael's parents said that are going to set up a foundation in his name so that his death does not go down in vain. Imagine how many people that foundation can save. Very similar to the death that happened 2012 years ago.
I know I have said this so many times but my life has changed from my cancer. Yes, I have suffered much. In fact this last round of treatments was so tough I can't imagine going through it again, but I will if I need to. My husband, boys, family and friends have suffered watching me fight and cried from this monster that is growing in me. My life is not where I thought it would be at age 41. My business is slowing down, treatments have been so costly it has changed our life style, and we live not knowing what the future holds let alone tomorrow. Will I be in pain tomorrow? Will I be able to take the kids where they need to go? It all depends on what this cancer choices to do to my body that day. Although, that all sounds down and depressing it is not what I mean when I say my life has changed from this cancer. All the mentioned above is the obvious things that people may know or think cancer does to someone afflicted. But there is so much more that unless you have gone through it you cannot possible feel it.
My life is so full of caring people. I am not saying that I am busy and have this great social life, in fact that part is gone now too. I am home and doctor appointments mostly. I try hard to participate in other things but it's hard. I save my energy for my kids events mostly. I guess a better way to describe it is that my heart is full. I see things so differently then before cancer or BC is how we say it here at home. Little things like an appliance breaking down or car not starting is just that......a little thing. In fact I have not had an oven for over a year. When those things happen I shake my head and move on. Catty drama that others thing is the end of the world is more entertainment for me. And even large doctor bills get a I'll get to that attitude. Things that use to be small like a I love you mom or a kiss goodbye before leaving for school are huge things now......HUGE. That goodbye and I love you is a sincere one , not rush out the door and habit saying. The boys sports games that I have struggled to get to are huge......HUGE. I see my boys looking for me in the stands. Then I see a peace look on their faces when they see I made it. BC I never missed a game and they never noticed I was there or not. Game night or sitting to watch a movie with the family is huge.....HUGE. I know that our vacation this year will be ever bigger the huge. We had to cancel two because of me being to sick to travel and needing the finances for Switzerland.
Also, the out pour I have gotten through my journey is indescribable. However the way I feel about this love is not. I have said this so many times that you all may be tired of hearing it, but I have to say it, its like hundreds of hugs wrapped around me. I use to question why are people so good to me, but now I just accept it. I was talking to my pastor one day about how bad I felt about accepting dinners when I know that the people cooking for me are so busy. My pastor said to me that when I turn down help that I could use I was denying others of the blessing of giving. That whole idea made it so much easier. I never feel like I am fighting this cancer for myself. I think if I felt that way I may not be here right now, because I know that where I am going is a glories place. I feel like I am fighting for all those that have loved me and are cheering me on.
This all gets back to my original point. One evil man or one evil disease CANNOT take all the good out of the world and it possibly CAN make the world a better place. By no means am I comparing my battle to the lose that the Schaab family is feeling. But I am comparing the kindness of the world. The way others have reached out to the Schaab family is similar to the kindness I have experienced, which gives us some hope. It helps them put their feet on the ground in the morning when they are getting out of bed. Knowing that they have a backup for when they cannot go on helps them go on. Trust me I know this. Having a line of people that will tag in anytime you need them to help them and myself is what will get them through this long mountain they are going to climb for the second time in 18 months. Right now I am going to pray for this family that they somehow get some kind of good out of this senseless act. After hearing the father speak I somehow think he will be looking for the good.
Many will disagree with this post today. They will not understand how I can see the good out of murder or even a terminal cancer. But that is okay with me. I will say that yes its my faith but it is also what I have witness the past few years. I have seen people reach out to me to try to stop my heart from breaking. I have had many try hard to ease my pain and make my life easier. I have people give up their own time to help me. I have had family change their life to take care of my children. I have had people rally together to get me to Switzerland for the treatments I need. So it may be my faith but its also the actions of others that make my post today my belief.
Please keep your prayers going for the Schaab family as they mourn the lost of both their son and their daughter. I pray they somehow get blessed out of the tragedy.
“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”
I am talking about this tragedy for one reason only. To show that evilness can bring out greatness in people. Of course, I am not saying that this poor boy should of ever died for kindness to be seen. I think kindness and greatness is everywhere it's just takes someone hitting rock bottom to really notice it. My point is that one mans wickedness can be over taken by hundreds and hundreds of those who are wonderful. When I hear that the world is full of immorality and sin I don't see it like that. I feel that we are giving one man way too much credit for his wrathful acts and lets face it that is what he wanted. Michael's parents said that are going to set up a foundation in his name so that his death does not go down in vain. Imagine how many people that foundation can save. Very similar to the death that happened 2012 years ago.
I know I have said this so many times but my life has changed from my cancer. Yes, I have suffered much. In fact this last round of treatments was so tough I can't imagine going through it again, but I will if I need to. My husband, boys, family and friends have suffered watching me fight and cried from this monster that is growing in me. My life is not where I thought it would be at age 41. My business is slowing down, treatments have been so costly it has changed our life style, and we live not knowing what the future holds let alone tomorrow. Will I be in pain tomorrow? Will I be able to take the kids where they need to go? It all depends on what this cancer choices to do to my body that day. Although, that all sounds down and depressing it is not what I mean when I say my life has changed from this cancer. All the mentioned above is the obvious things that people may know or think cancer does to someone afflicted. But there is so much more that unless you have gone through it you cannot possible feel it.
My life is so full of caring people. I am not saying that I am busy and have this great social life, in fact that part is gone now too. I am home and doctor appointments mostly. I try hard to participate in other things but it's hard. I save my energy for my kids events mostly. I guess a better way to describe it is that my heart is full. I see things so differently then before cancer or BC is how we say it here at home. Little things like an appliance breaking down or car not starting is just that......a little thing. In fact I have not had an oven for over a year. When those things happen I shake my head and move on. Catty drama that others thing is the end of the world is more entertainment for me. And even large doctor bills get a I'll get to that attitude. Things that use to be small like a I love you mom or a kiss goodbye before leaving for school are huge things now......HUGE. That goodbye and I love you is a sincere one , not rush out the door and habit saying. The boys sports games that I have struggled to get to are huge......HUGE. I see my boys looking for me in the stands. Then I see a peace look on their faces when they see I made it. BC I never missed a game and they never noticed I was there or not. Game night or sitting to watch a movie with the family is huge.....HUGE. I know that our vacation this year will be ever bigger the huge. We had to cancel two because of me being to sick to travel and needing the finances for Switzerland.
Also, the out pour I have gotten through my journey is indescribable. However the way I feel about this love is not. I have said this so many times that you all may be tired of hearing it, but I have to say it, its like hundreds of hugs wrapped around me. I use to question why are people so good to me, but now I just accept it. I was talking to my pastor one day about how bad I felt about accepting dinners when I know that the people cooking for me are so busy. My pastor said to me that when I turn down help that I could use I was denying others of the blessing of giving. That whole idea made it so much easier. I never feel like I am fighting this cancer for myself. I think if I felt that way I may not be here right now, because I know that where I am going is a glories place. I feel like I am fighting for all those that have loved me and are cheering me on.
This all gets back to my original point. One evil man or one evil disease CANNOT take all the good out of the world and it possibly CAN make the world a better place. By no means am I comparing my battle to the lose that the Schaab family is feeling. But I am comparing the kindness of the world. The way others have reached out to the Schaab family is similar to the kindness I have experienced, which gives us some hope. It helps them put their feet on the ground in the morning when they are getting out of bed. Knowing that they have a backup for when they cannot go on helps them go on. Trust me I know this. Having a line of people that will tag in anytime you need them to help them and myself is what will get them through this long mountain they are going to climb for the second time in 18 months. Right now I am going to pray for this family that they somehow get some kind of good out of this senseless act. After hearing the father speak I somehow think he will be looking for the good.
Many will disagree with this post today. They will not understand how I can see the good out of murder or even a terminal cancer. But that is okay with me. I will say that yes its my faith but it is also what I have witness the past few years. I have seen people reach out to me to try to stop my heart from breaking. I have had many try hard to ease my pain and make my life easier. I have people give up their own time to help me. I have had family change their life to take care of my children. I have had people rally together to get me to Switzerland for the treatments I need. So it may be my faith but its also the actions of others that make my post today my belief.
Please keep your prayers going for the Schaab family as they mourn the lost of both their son and their daughter. I pray they somehow get blessed out of the tragedy.
“It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Happy Times
I so appreciate all the emails, cards, texts, phone calls and FB messages. I know, I know, I know that you all worry when I have a lapse in blog post. Yes it does usually mean I am not doing as well as I want to be. The pain is off and on in intensity but unfortunitly it's always on. But also it's really hard for me to just sit at the computer at times and process my thoughts when I am going through a tough spell. All things I don't want to talk about in this post. I have blogged and released my tension and stress but I have not published them in the past week. I really don't want to put those times in this blog. Like I said before they are in my book so those who don't like to read the bad times can pass through them. Maybe a book two for these ones that I have not published. I must say I have been blessed with the popularity of book one. I just hope it is helping those climbing a tough mountain like me see that there is good in those bad times.
Speaking of seeing the good I had to jump on the computer and just tell everyone about my experience today. Several friends of mine reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked me if they could do a Zumbathon in my honor. For those who are not familiar with Zumba Dancing let me explain. It is a Latin-based exercise dance class....think Hip Hop Abbs goes south of the Border. In the past several years it has become a huge new way to get you groove on while you raise your heart rate and get in shape. So when they asked me if they could do one I thought this would be a small little get together that I can use to raise the awareness of carcinoid cancer and spread the word of early detection. Well let me tell you when things are lead by God, the friends that did this for me are wonderful Christian woman, nothing is small. The people just poured in and by noon O'Block JR High School in Plum, PA was completely packed. Everyone wearing the Carcinoid Colors of Zebra Print black and white. By 12:03 the dancing began and my heart was pounding.
I am still in amazement at the love that was pouring out. We had ranges of ages from 85 to 6 as well as first timers to experience Zumbaers. Even my teenage boys and their friends participated. Not sure if that was for me or for all the High School girls in tight yoga pants and short shirts but I didn't care.
I had some one message me a few hours later that truly touched me. This woman attended the event today and she said she has attended many of these events, so she's a regular. In her message she said of all the Zumbathons she has participated in she has never felt such love pouring out for one person. Have to say I felt that love too. I walked around the gym several times videoing the action. The love and hope was pouring out as much as the sweat. I kept thinking that all these people are working their butts off for my fight. What an awesome feeling that was!
I don't know why I have been so blessed with so much support, but I do know that all that support keeps me fighting. I feel this huge responsibility to battle this cancer with all I have because I have so many cheering me on and I don't want to let them down. So many have rallied around me and my family, that the two little words, "THANK YOU" seem just that....too little. But I don't know how else to express my gratitude expect to promise you I wont give up and I will pay this kindness forward at any opportunity I can. The most memorable moment of the day was when my oldest son Austen walked into the gym about 10 minutes after the dancing started. He put his arm around me and just said, "WOW MOM. Look at what you brought together". My answer to him was as simple as his sentence, "This is not because of anything I did Ace (that's what I call him), this is all the Man Above". He is working every minute through this cancer.
Thank you again everyone who came today and danced your butts off. And thank you all those who are loving me through this battle.
With many happy tears,
Sunny
Speaking of seeing the good I had to jump on the computer and just tell everyone about my experience today. Several friends of mine reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked me if they could do a Zumbathon in my honor. For those who are not familiar with Zumba Dancing let me explain. It is a Latin-based exercise dance class....think Hip Hop Abbs goes south of the Border. In the past several years it has become a huge new way to get you groove on while you raise your heart rate and get in shape. So when they asked me if they could do one I thought this would be a small little get together that I can use to raise the awareness of carcinoid cancer and spread the word of early detection. Well let me tell you when things are lead by God, the friends that did this for me are wonderful Christian woman, nothing is small. The people just poured in and by noon O'Block JR High School in Plum, PA was completely packed. Everyone wearing the Carcinoid Colors of Zebra Print black and white. By 12:03 the dancing began and my heart was pounding.
I am still in amazement at the love that was pouring out. We had ranges of ages from 85 to 6 as well as first timers to experience Zumbaers. Even my teenage boys and their friends participated. Not sure if that was for me or for all the High School girls in tight yoga pants and short shirts but I didn't care.
I had some one message me a few hours later that truly touched me. This woman attended the event today and she said she has attended many of these events, so she's a regular. In her message she said of all the Zumbathons she has participated in she has never felt such love pouring out for one person. Have to say I felt that love too. I walked around the gym several times videoing the action. The love and hope was pouring out as much as the sweat. I kept thinking that all these people are working their butts off for my fight. What an awesome feeling that was!
I don't know why I have been so blessed with so much support, but I do know that all that support keeps me fighting. I feel this huge responsibility to battle this cancer with all I have because I have so many cheering me on and I don't want to let them down. So many have rallied around me and my family, that the two little words, "THANK YOU" seem just that....too little. But I don't know how else to express my gratitude expect to promise you I wont give up and I will pay this kindness forward at any opportunity I can. The most memorable moment of the day was when my oldest son Austen walked into the gym about 10 minutes after the dancing started. He put his arm around me and just said, "WOW MOM. Look at what you brought together". My answer to him was as simple as his sentence, "This is not because of anything I did Ace (that's what I call him), this is all the Man Above". He is working every minute through this cancer.
Thank you again everyone who came today and danced your butts off. And thank you all those who are loving me through this battle.
With many happy tears,
Sunny
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