It seems like in the recent few weeks I have been bombed with news of my fellow Carcinoid posse passing. Today I received the news that the doctor who got me to Switzerland has passed from Carcinoid Cancer. He was passionate about finding a cure and bringing the Y90 treatment to the United States. He was in the process of getting a Carcinoid Cancer Center started here in Pittsburgh which he was funding himself. I have emailed or called him multiple times for just some words of advise. No longer then an hour would it take him to get back to me with his words of wisdom spoke at my level. He has made a difference in mine and many patients care. He was a humble man. I did not realize what he has done not just for the very disease he suffered with but for all cancers until I read about him below. When I met with him for the first time last summer he was so positive and he was suffering just like me. I remember him telling me, "you have to do whatever it takes to stay alive for your boys. The longer you hold on the closer you will get to a cure." "I will never give up", he forcefully told me. He fought to the very end. Please read about him below:
Dr. Richard E. Raizman, of Ligonier, passed away early Tuesday morning, Sept. 22, 2009, after a long and valiant battle with cancer. Dr. Raizman, a gastroenterologist, loved his work and his patients. He loved his family, his daughter, Dr. Emma J. Raizman; his son, Dr. Noah M. Raizman and his wife of 42 years, Dorothy L. Raizman, all of whom were with him at home when he died. Many knew he was never still, always looking for new challenges. He traveled to Bhutan to trek and to India to volunteer his medical knowledge to treat Tibetan refugees in Daram Sala, forming a deep friendship with Dr. Setan Sadutchan, the Dalai Llama's personal physician. On one of his many trips there, he took his children to work with these wonderful people. A graduate of Columbia University and the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, he felt strongly that a good life was made better by sharing. He established a scholarship at the medical school, as well as funding a vaccine research laboratory. On his death from neuroendocrine cancer he completes the funding of a neuroendocrine cancer research center that he hoped would help others fight the disease that took his life. He was a member of the Board of Friends of the University of Pittsburgh Medical School, an honor he cherished, as well as being a clinical professor of medicine who taught surgical residents the art of endoscopy. He was an innovator. Along with his friend, Dr. Frank Costa, he developed one of the first out-patient surgical centers in Western Pennsylvania. He was both a polo player and fox hunter. As captain of the Ligonier polo team he created "Polo for the Cure", which over the last 17 years generated more than one million dollars for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Western Pennsylvania. He was named a Master of Foxhounds of the Rolling Rock Hunt, where he had been a member since 1983. He rode to the hunt with his friends, Fritz Teroerde, Dr. John Frazier and Wil Burkland. He is survived by his wife and children as well as his beloved brother, David Seth Raizman, PhD., Head of the Art History Department at Drexel University.
SUNNY CARNEY After a courageous 10 year fight battling Carcinoid Cancer, Sunny Carney, of Plum, passed peacefully on Saturday, November 3. She was married to her devoted husband, Mark; and was a loving mother to Austen, Logan and Nolan; daughter of Patricia Jennings and the late James J. Jennings; daughter-in-law of Dale and Dottie Carney; sister of Judy Phillips (Ray Jr.), Lynn Pesta (Teddy), Michael Jennings (Vicki Lynn), James Jennings (Sue), Joseph Jennings (Elizabeth), Sheila Fortes (Jim); sister-in-law of Craig Carney (Julia). She is also survived by numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews, and was a true friend and inspiration to many.
In addition to being an inspiration to family and friends Sunny inspired carcinoid cancer patients across the globe through her blog, and then her book "The Sunny Side of Cancer. She spoke at numerous cancer events locally sharing stories of her journey which led her from Basel, Switzerland to all of the top Carcinoid Cancer specialists here in the states. She was an advocate for better diagnosis of the disease and for insurance coverage of treatments. She fought with grace and dignity, never letting the pain inside challenge her faith or diminish her love for life.
Memorials may be made to "Carney Family Fund", c/o S&T Bank, 2190 Hulton Road, Verona, PA 15147.
Friends received Monday 7-9 p.m. and Tuesday 3-8 p.m. at Unity Community Church, 215 Unity Center Road, Plum, PA 15239.
Funeral Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 a.m. in Unity Community Church with Rev. Frank Deluce officiating. Arrangements entrusted to CHARLES W. TRENZ FUNERAL HOME, INC.
VIEW GUEST BOOK Published in Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Update on the next step!!!
It's been awhile since I have updated everyone on my next steps to save my life or as Doc says, "prolong my life", so I thought I would tell you the game plan.....subject to change at anytime. I guess the doc has not given in to my begging to just make this monster go away so here is how we are going to keep it under control. So, after waiting for months for my blood levels to rise I have got the okay to start the Afinator. That is the golden radiation/chemo pill that was approved in May for renal cancer. There is some clinical trails going on right now that have shown some positive feedback for Carcinoid Cancer. I was not qualified for the clinical trail so I decided to start my own experiment. Sounds crazy but when death is your other option what can it hurt? So Monday I will take the first $500 dose. I think I may drink a small glass of champagne with it just to get in the expensive spirit. This drug will be my caviar.
Then on October 1st I will receive my first IV dose of a bone medicine to help strengthen and reverse the damage the cancer is doing to them. I am told the side effects are minimum but once again there is no precedent for carcinoid patients so we will wait and see. I joked with my doc at the last appointment, but really deep down meant it, that all this first ever I am experiencing better be written down in some journal so that no other carcinoid patient has to wait and see how they react. I'll bite the bullet for the rest but it is my doctors obligation to spread the word.
Off my soap box so that I can continue. I had planned or hoped I should say, that I would have my trip to Switzerland in November but because of my blood counts that is not possible. So I am looking at another January in Basel. I am anxious to get it done however, I am told that there is a fine window as to when the best time is for my body. If I go to early it will not work, if I wait to long though it will be to late. So I am just praying God let's me know when and then Dr. Mueller okays it fast. All I can do it stay on top of it and let God do the rest.
In the meantime, I am planning a trip to New York City to see the grandfather of Carcinoid Cancer, Dr. Richard Warren. Hoping that he tells me that I am going down the right road or leads me down the right road if I am lost.
Later in the future if none of these efforts work then we are going to be forced to try massive amounts of chemo. Which has not been to successful but it's all worth the try.
I have not given up hope. Since last may, Afinator has been approved and other meds are being tested. I just need to hold on until that magic cure comes.
Sunny
Then on October 1st I will receive my first IV dose of a bone medicine to help strengthen and reverse the damage the cancer is doing to them. I am told the side effects are minimum but once again there is no precedent for carcinoid patients so we will wait and see. I joked with my doc at the last appointment, but really deep down meant it, that all this first ever I am experiencing better be written down in some journal so that no other carcinoid patient has to wait and see how they react. I'll bite the bullet for the rest but it is my doctors obligation to spread the word.
Off my soap box so that I can continue. I had planned or hoped I should say, that I would have my trip to Switzerland in November but because of my blood counts that is not possible. So I am looking at another January in Basel. I am anxious to get it done however, I am told that there is a fine window as to when the best time is for my body. If I go to early it will not work, if I wait to long though it will be to late. So I am just praying God let's me know when and then Dr. Mueller okays it fast. All I can do it stay on top of it and let God do the rest.
In the meantime, I am planning a trip to New York City to see the grandfather of Carcinoid Cancer, Dr. Richard Warren. Hoping that he tells me that I am going down the right road or leads me down the right road if I am lost.
Later in the future if none of these efforts work then we are going to be forced to try massive amounts of chemo. Which has not been to successful but it's all worth the try.
I have not given up hope. Since last may, Afinator has been approved and other meds are being tested. I just need to hold on until that magic cure comes.
Sunny
Saturday, September 19, 2009
He Turns 13!
I am here for my oldest to turn 13. May you Live all the days of your Life.
You are my sonshine,
Mommy
You are my sonshine,
Mommy
Friday, September 18, 2009
David
I am posting today with a heavy heart. It's been a rough cancer week with an amazing event dropped in the middle of it. Thank God for the Wiffle Ball tournament and the beauty of the day because without days like those getting through this journey would be unbearable. By doctor's order I've increased in my monthly treatment and it has not been without side effects. Times like these are when this cancer smacks me right in the face. It is a test of my strength and desire to win.
On Friday Sept. 11 I received an email letting me know that one of my Carcinoid Posses had passed away. David Lemmink was a father of four, a husband and son. I started corresponding with his family a few months ago when he was preparing to make the trip to Switzerland for his first treatment. Through email and some phone calls I got to know his wife and mother. David did make one trip to Switzerland but unfortunately did not recover enough to make the second trip. He fought with all he had. He did whatever it took to be here for his children and wife Connie. Below is the post his wife wrote on her blog:
On Friday Sept. 11 I received an email letting me know that one of my Carcinoid Posses had passed away. David Lemmink was a father of four, a husband and son. I started corresponding with his family a few months ago when he was preparing to make the trip to Switzerland for his first treatment. Through email and some phone calls I got to know his wife and mother. David did make one trip to Switzerland but unfortunately did not recover enough to make the second trip. He fought with all he had. He did whatever it took to be here for his children and wife Connie. Below is the post his wife wrote on her blog:
Today I post with a heavy heart. David is gone and he is finally pain free. We are so happy for him but mourn his loss. Charlie, Angela, Elisabeth, John and I, along with his whole family, feel his loss deeply.
The last 17 months have been difficult. David stoically fought his battle with beauty and grace and we are so proud of him.
Maybe someday I will be able to post about the months of August and September. Right now, this is all I have. I am sorry not to be able to do more. It is just too painful, but I am sure you will understand.
Thank you all for your loving, ongoing support. We are uplifted by the love of those around us. God truly is good to bring so many loving people into our lives who care for us so beautifully.
With all my love,
Connie
Reading this post is why I am rededicated to make a difference for Carcinoid Patients. From what my doctors are telling me, and telling all Carcinoid Cancer patients, my husband will be writing a post like this one day. My children's names will be listed as loved ones left behind. Raising money is extremely helpful for all of us patients but raising awareness is helpful for us and future patients.
After reading my post today some of you will cry for Connie and her family, some will say a pray for them and others will think about them for the rest of the day.....she thanks you for that. However, you will finish your work and chores for the day, lay your head down at night and wake up tomorrow to start your day over again. Connie and her children's life will never be the same.
I promise you my next post will be all about butterflies and sunshine, but it would be unjust of me if I don't give my blog readers reality once in a while. And reality is this cancer has no cure and eventually takes every one's life.
Sunny
Please read Marks post below. It is one I really wanted to get out.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thanks---What A Day
Sorry for the lag this week in getting a follow up to the last entry. Sunny has had one of those cancer weeks and it has taken the best of her at times. Although I kept insisting that I was doing the follow up entry to the wiffle ball event on Sunday , somehow it is already Thursday and the week is almost gone. Let me start by saying Sunday was amazing. Sunny, the boys, and I would like to thank everyone who volunteered their time, contributed goods or money, participated in the tournament or just simply came to Boyce Park to share in the fun. Putting together a fundraiser for 600 to 1000+ people takes a lot of work and although the end result was Sunday the behind the scenes planning and tasks actually began several months ago.
Before I start with the thank you's (and like an Oscar acceptance speech I may go a little long) we want to give thanks to God for blessing us with Sunny's simply being here for the 2nd Annual Swing Against Cancer Event. A year ago , neither one of us knew what to expect although we both had faith and the belief that she was going to fight the Carcinoid tumors with everything she has. Also we couldn't have been blessed with a more perfect day weather wise and its obvious that when you turn things over to him , sorry Allstate, but there are no better hands to put them in.
We began the serious planning around the fourth of July and right from the beginning my sister-in-law Vicki, Sunny's nephew Ray, cousin JulieAnne, Uncle Tom and Aunt Joan, and our good friends Bill and Lisa, have put up with all of the headaches that accompany pulling a day like Sunday off. (Not to mention some bickering, name-calling, and my occasional "its my way or the highway" outbursts) Thanks for helping us stay the course, never wavering in your commitment to help, and always sharing in Sunny's "We will find a way" attitude. You are all extremely dear to us and I thank you in advance for reenlisting for next year's 3rd Annual Take A Swing Against Cancer event.
As the big day approached things really got hectic and yes even a bit stressful. Yet we were once again blessed with more help than we ever could have prayed for or expected. Sunny's brother Michael played the recurring role of Mr. Let Me Handle That Loose End No Problem even though he had to play host to VIP's from Nashville who wanted to see that little Steelers-Titans game last week. Mike I know you do what you do because "hey she is my sister" but I know you have a lot going on, and the kids always enjoy seeing Uncle Mike....so raise the cup, here's a tall cold one for you....thanks.
Sunny's brother Happy and my sister-in-law Sue came all the way in from Cleveland to help and we knew that the money and sign-up responsibilities were in the best of hands. Jimmy, Jesse, and Trish, it was great to see you there selling shirts, beer cups, drawing up brackets, and even playing in the games when needed....thanks.
Another nephew HOOPS JJ not only did his best to help out around the chaos when needed, but also brought(dare I say forced) the CMU men's basketball team to once again play in the tournament and although one team got bounced early, the other made it all the way to the semi-finals. Talking to several of them I can tell you that besides being good athletes they are also going to be leaders at whatever they ultimately do in life. Sunny really got a kick out of them and I know when "Coach" showed up later in the day, they sort of felt like extended family from Oakland.
Kelly, the Sultan of Chinese Auctions was incredible once again. We literally threw baskets at her, assorted kites, pictures, balls, food, gift cards, and all of the other donations at her and never doubted for a minute that at least that part of the day was in the right hands. You are not only a great organizer, but the dedication you exhibited with all of the recent changes in your life was not unappreciated. Thanks. (We will start the bringing the baskets for next years event to your house later this month if you are going to be home.) Once again we manage to have the best Chinese Auction in Plum with all the amazing donations, Dooney Purse (Carrie Lou), Penguin tickets ( Jackie and Bobby), Sunny's sisters many baskets, The Ward signed photograph (Fred Gleeson), JROTC's basket (Chealsea Getsy) and even custom art work from the famous Sharon Mitolo. I can not forget all the donations that John Cinq. got. And of course Ray-Ray, as known by in the crazy Jennings' family, for everything. To many to list.
DJ Louie entertained all day, put up with my long-winded game break announcements, advertised the next activity/event on the slate all day long and played some great tunes. I saw a lot of butts a shakin and hips a swayin on the field as players waited for their next game. (I hope you didn't blow off to much of church to get there as early as you did...thanks a bunch)
Our national anthem never sounded better thanks to Plum's own Brittany...who overcame nerves from singing in front of several hundred people whom she goes to school with and right up in front of her....you knocked them dead...broke a leg....yada yada....whatever the right term is you were awesome...and the kids wanted to call the Hoff to see about getting you on NBC next year.
We are blessed with great neighbors. I want to thank JR for all of his help and especially for picking up the beer trailer with me or else I would have had all of Sunny's kin hunting me down sober...Donna for helping at the pavilion...Thanks to Greg and Karen for your efforts all day long from the set up to the cleanup....you have become treasures in the Carney Jewel Box of Life....Thanks Tom for trusting us with you new commercial generator....we actually had a few offers for it as the day went along and the beer flowed...but we had to keep reminding those Irish that the generators were not actually part of the silent auction...Thanks Pete for your generous donation to the Chinese Auction...and thanks to the kids "down the street" who came out and played...
I know this is getting really long but I don't want to leave anyone out so please bear with me....(or leave it up on your screen...get a coffee...and come back...its a computer I will still be here)
Sunny and I are blessed with an incredible cast of friends both from the old neighborhood, the Field of Dreams, and out here in Plum. Let me tell you how much you all mean to us. From Cinq who came out several times that week to schlep stuff around with me and was part of Team Grill all day, to the Mailman who despite to trying to kill of my gas grill enroute Sunday morning was an amazing help, to Mike G who did food runs and the shopping with Lisa F and Sunny on Saturday , to Greg(or Buzz as the kids call him) who had the unenviable task of trying to step into Ray's shoes as co-tourney coordinator on day game and yet pulled it off....Mr. Kudranski, Sweet Lou, and Ralph (the rest of Team Grill) I know sweat a few pounds off working those two grills all day...thanks....the burgers and dogs were awesome...Leslie thanks for helping at the pavilion...Lisa L and Lisa F you guys were amazing. Especially fighting off those hungry teenagers.
The umpires who I relied on and whom without the day would have been a dud...John N, Zummo, Scott M, Rossi, Shaun B, Pat B, Milt, Gooch, Bill S(once he learned the rules)you guys all I am sure have well earned sunburns but never lost your sense of humor or the reason why we are all there(I know I asked others to pick up a game here and there when needed...and with my short term memory loss I want to say thanks because your efforts were just as needed)
Unity Church has become a real support team for us throughout this "Carcinoid Journey" and to April and the rest of Sunny's weekly group thanks....the prayers, the slide, the help were all indeed a blessing and a true example of Pastor Frank's "let them see you walk...not talk" message..
The Plum HS ROTC volunteers....I had the pleasure of meeting and umping one of your games and your time and help was a real testament to the future leaders you will be whether in the service or not...thanks...
Laura C. (the face-painting wizard) Mrs. Thompson(the bead baroness)and to all of those who dyed hair and made that special area by the playground a true kidsZONE...thanks...and of course JulieAnn for organizing and planning the whole area. That was one of Sunny's dreams for this year....a fun zone for kids. You know she's all about the kids.
I also want to thanks to Sunny's nephew Ray again for his relentless efforts and then the ensuing generosity of Dicks Sporting Goods, to the real shop-n-save lady (yes Laura) and the generous food donations, to McGinley Wilson (Tony B) for the beer and helping secure the trailer, to Gooch (the original MR SmokenGuns) for his donation, John H and Michelle for first the boxes of chips and then the help that day, and to Chris S who had to be a real pain in the you know where but came through with all of the pop, those really cool coolers, and the water....thanks....thanks Susan for creating the link for the website to help ease the registration process and for your above the call of duty supersized basket of fun...thanks
Finally to all of you that came to play and to just be there to support Sunny, Thanks. A lot of work goes behind TAKE A SWING AGAINST CANCER....but without all of you coming, and being so giving, especially as things can be tough out there, we really , really, really want to hug you all if we could. You are all very special and I only hope that we can give back down the road as much as we have been blessed with.
Sunny wanted me to just do a simple thank you at the risk of leaving someone out...and those of you who know me , know I like to keep things short. But that day meant a lot to us, a lot of memories were made, and a lot of prayers were answered. If I did overlook anyone....please accept my apologies....but rest assured your efforts were not unnoticed, unappreciated, and unrewarded. On Tuesday when Sunny got together with some of her family (one of the many days they are together because their are so many and I can only handle a few at a time) we started to plan next year. But according to Sunny she will be better and it will be for other families suffering. By the way, she has donate a percentage of the proceeds to two other families fighting with Carcinoid Cancer. Something not unexpected from her. See you next year.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Sunday is a Big Day!
I wanted to remind everyone about the Second Annual Wiffle Ball Tournament to Help bring awareness to Carcinoid Cancer. Bigger and Better then last year. This year we have decided to pay it forward by donate a percentage of the donations to Carcinoid Cancer Awareness.
If you don't want to play come and enjoy all the other activities we have planned. We have games, music, a huge Chinese auction, and a kid zone with bounce house. Prizes for both games and winners of the tournament. We will also have a silent auction with big ticket items. Come and enjoy the Steelers' Day Off with friends and family.
Take a look at the photos to the right of last years event.
I hope to see everyone.
If you don't want to play come and enjoy all the other activities we have planned. We have games, music, a huge Chinese auction, and a kid zone with bounce house. Prizes for both games and winners of the tournament. We will also have a silent auction with big ticket items. Come and enjoy the Steelers' Day Off with friends and family.
Take a look at the photos to the right of last years event.
I hope to see everyone.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Believe!!!!
In the hustle and bustle of everyday sometimes cancer is beyond a burden and more of just something that is with me all the time. It's not like I every forget that I have it because this devil does not let me forget. You never completely learn to live with it, because it changes your situation everyday. You never get use to it, because who gets use to have a terminal illness that effects everything you do? But it's like something that lingers with you and sometimes you can ignore. Not for long but for a short time. Like an annoying flying at your picnic table when you are eating your favorite grilled burger.
This is what I am noticing lately. I am finding ways to get relief because I have learned to adjust my life so that cancer does not beat me everyday. Since the boys went back to school it's been particularly hard to handle having this disease. I took a break from my extensive treatments this summer so I can spend quality time with my boys and now it's time to get back to work to fight this horrible attacker that is trying to knock me down. So this week my oncologist and I did our fall game plan to fight full force. Even though my blood levels are not where Dr. Friedland would like them to be I heavily persuading him to okay me to start the Afinator this week. He has agreed to do so if I promise him to be monitored on a weekly basis and agree to stop the meds if my levels do not go up soon. I will be starting the "Golden Drug" tomorrow and I have faith that this may be the answer. We are not sure of all the side effects because Afinator was just approved in May for renal cancer, not carcinoid, but I will deal with them when they come. I am also scheduled tomorrow for a few heart test because Carcinoid has a tendency to damage the heart and I have been having some pain in the chest. I blame it on the kids starting school and the stress of getting back into the ring with cancer. I have a good feeling that the tests will come back okay. Our game plan continues but I don't want to bore anyone with the details because who knows what curve balls this cancer will through me and then the game plan will need to be rewritten.
The purpose of posting today was not just for updates but was to express what I have learned this past week. In the midst of all the crazy planning for the amazing Wiffle Ball event that will be happening this Sunday and with the meetings for the 5k event on Oct. 18th, I have been able to reminisce about my life just one year ago. I thought about how much anxiety and emptiness I felt back then even with all the love I was receiving. I remember the exact moment I realized that I needed to let it all go and just have faith that it is God's plan. At that moment my battle changed from hopelessness to believing. Believing that what ever happens to me I am blessed to no end. This was my cancer turning point and I decided to enjoy my life and to fight to extended it. I made up my mind then that this evil will not take over the time I have left. This is when I photographed the famous "Believe" photo of me and the boys in the sunset. That photo and that moment has change my life and my journey.
Although at times my faith may teeter a little I have never lost it completely. It is not just having faith that the cancer will one day be miraculously gone. However, I will take that and do believe it could happen. It's the faith that God will always be by my side during these times of strife. It's believing that I can do any type of risky treatment and the outcome will be what it is suppose to be because He has a hand in it. It's having peace that my children will be taken care of if I am here or if the day is to come. I have faith that my family is there when I need them or my friends will come when I call. It's believing that I can do the impossible if I have faith that God will lead me to do that. The other day Mark said to me in his joking manner, "you think there is nothing you can't do. You are so full of yourself." In all fairness to him I think I told him I could do his job better then him or something like that. I don't always choose the best ways to movitate him. However, if someone said that to me I would not be joking with an answer back. Mark has a way to just shrug my craziness for perfection off with a good sense a humor. I guess that is why we make a good match. At the time of his comment I laughed and shook my head yes but later that night I realized that it's not me that can do anything....it's God. That is what I think. If you believe that, then you should never worry.
At the end of every service at Unity Church in Plum, Pa, Pastor Frank always says, "You go no place by accident. Where every you are God is sending you." I like to take that further and say, "Whatever you go through God is right beside you. It's never an accident".
Sunny
This is what I am noticing lately. I am finding ways to get relief because I have learned to adjust my life so that cancer does not beat me everyday. Since the boys went back to school it's been particularly hard to handle having this disease. I took a break from my extensive treatments this summer so I can spend quality time with my boys and now it's time to get back to work to fight this horrible attacker that is trying to knock me down. So this week my oncologist and I did our fall game plan to fight full force. Even though my blood levels are not where Dr. Friedland would like them to be I heavily persuading him to okay me to start the Afinator this week. He has agreed to do so if I promise him to be monitored on a weekly basis and agree to stop the meds if my levels do not go up soon. I will be starting the "Golden Drug" tomorrow and I have faith that this may be the answer. We are not sure of all the side effects because Afinator was just approved in May for renal cancer, not carcinoid, but I will deal with them when they come. I am also scheduled tomorrow for a few heart test because Carcinoid has a tendency to damage the heart and I have been having some pain in the chest. I blame it on the kids starting school and the stress of getting back into the ring with cancer. I have a good feeling that the tests will come back okay. Our game plan continues but I don't want to bore anyone with the details because who knows what curve balls this cancer will through me and then the game plan will need to be rewritten.
The purpose of posting today was not just for updates but was to express what I have learned this past week. In the midst of all the crazy planning for the amazing Wiffle Ball event that will be happening this Sunday and with the meetings for the 5k event on Oct. 18th, I have been able to reminisce about my life just one year ago. I thought about how much anxiety and emptiness I felt back then even with all the love I was receiving. I remember the exact moment I realized that I needed to let it all go and just have faith that it is God's plan. At that moment my battle changed from hopelessness to believing. Believing that what ever happens to me I am blessed to no end. This was my cancer turning point and I decided to enjoy my life and to fight to extended it. I made up my mind then that this evil will not take over the time I have left. This is when I photographed the famous "Believe" photo of me and the boys in the sunset. That photo and that moment has change my life and my journey.
Although at times my faith may teeter a little I have never lost it completely. It is not just having faith that the cancer will one day be miraculously gone. However, I will take that and do believe it could happen. It's the faith that God will always be by my side during these times of strife. It's believing that I can do any type of risky treatment and the outcome will be what it is suppose to be because He has a hand in it. It's having peace that my children will be taken care of if I am here or if the day is to come. I have faith that my family is there when I need them or my friends will come when I call. It's believing that I can do the impossible if I have faith that God will lead me to do that. The other day Mark said to me in his joking manner, "you think there is nothing you can't do. You are so full of yourself." In all fairness to him I think I told him I could do his job better then him or something like that. I don't always choose the best ways to movitate him. However, if someone said that to me I would not be joking with an answer back. Mark has a way to just shrug my craziness for perfection off with a good sense a humor. I guess that is why we make a good match. At the time of his comment I laughed and shook my head yes but later that night I realized that it's not me that can do anything....it's God. That is what I think. If you believe that, then you should never worry.
At the end of every service at Unity Church in Plum, Pa, Pastor Frank always says, "You go no place by accident. Where every you are God is sending you." I like to take that further and say, "Whatever you go through God is right beside you. It's never an accident".
Sunny
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